. in a mommy rut .

does that even make sense?  do you ever feel like you're in a mommy rut too?  or is it just me?  well, i have been lately.  so far down i don't know how to climb back out.  other than switching medicines, i feel lost. 
the mommy rut that i'm in right now consists of simply feeling lost.  i know that i'm just 6 weeks into having two babies right now, but this is the life i chose for myself.  this is the life i feel that God chose for our family.  why is it so hard?  no one said it would be easy and i don't expect it to be.  i guess at 6 weeks in, i thought i could be super mom and have it all figured out.
i feel like my family is just living day to day with no purpose.  we eat, sleep sometimes, play, and repeat the cycle day in and day out.  our biggest problem i KNOW is that, since becoming pregnant and not feeling well ever, we stopped going to church as much.  that hits a family hard.  especially when that is what you have relied upon for so long.  so the first thing i can do to get out of this rut is to deepen my relationship with God.  where do i begin?
so, mommies.  ever been where i am?  lost.  feeling alone.  how did you dig your way back out? 
and how can i feel this way when i get to look at these cute faces every day?

. wordless wednesday * tummy time turned nap time .

 
 

. it's like CRACK .

(after-the-fact-disclaimer : i have never, past, present, or future, experimented or know first hand the effects of said illegal drug.  its an obvious assumption and observation made.)
i have found a few things in my life are very similar to CRACK.  yes, the illegal drug. crack.  {warning:  some of the following you may find strange and out of control}
in a surprise burst of energy (or insanity if you ask my favorite man), i did a total cleaning and reorganization of my entire house today.  amazing, i know.  not only did we "donate" four bags of junk, we also threw away two bags of complete trash.  through this process, i discovered some things about myself that i didn't realize before and also came about the definition of my OCD tendencies, which i knew were already a problem area.
"it's like crack" #1 : my new found way of organizing our medicine.

  
seriously.  although this isn't an actual picture of OUR medicine, i copied it and ours is very similar.  same container.  same bags, just different labels.  we have ear, nose, eye meds.  tummy meds.  pain relievers.  allergy meds.  cold/flu meds.  and creams.  a separate container houses our first aid supplies.  and another houses our "daily" meds. 
i LOVE it.  is that weird?
"it's like crack" #2 :  blistex.  you know, the chapstick.  in the greenish blue tube. 
a little background info on myself.  i ALWAYS wear chapstick.  and i ALWAYS have as long as i can remember.  so, my love for this particular brand causes me to have a stash in every known location where i might decide i need to apply it.  the car.  the diaper bag.  the purse.  the night stand.  the medicine cabinet.  the kitchen counter.  the desk.  how many is that so far?  i purged them all together and now have a container for all of my chapsticks.  seriously.  there has to be a dozen tubes in there. 
kind of embarrassing.  here's a picture of my love.
 
"it's like crack" #3 : FACEBOOK. 
good night nurse.  i'm on the computer all the time now that i discovered it.  and, apparently, you aren't cool if you aren't on facebook.  i love getting to see people that i went to high school with N.I.N.E years ago and seeing where they are now.  does that make me old?  and i LOVE seeing what my friends these days are doing every moment of every day.  so, make sure you update your status frequently, so us facebook stalkers can keep up with you.
that's it.  i think, at this moment, i can only compare three things in my life to an illegal drug.  if that's as close as i get to anything illegal though, i'm doing pretty darn good.  don't you think?

. decisions and love .

decisions.  i started a new blog.  over at blogger.  BUT, i can't decide if i like it or not.  i really like typepad.  and ALL of my posts are here.  if i switch for good, i can't take all of my posts with me because blogger won't let me import them and typepad won't let me export them to blogger.  so confusing.  so, do i start over?  do i leave everything i've written (of course i'd print them all and put them in notebooks)?  but no one would be able to look at my past 4 years.  four years.  a new marriage.  a new house.  a first baby.  a second baby.  i don't think i can do it. 

and love.  i love being a mom.  i love every minute of it.  the days may be rough and the nights may be long, but seeing these faces and making these memories makes it all worth it.

 

we absolutely cannot wait for spring to be here for good.  or summer.  since the two run together anyways.  karsyn loves being outside and, from what i can tell already, so does mykah.  this is a good thing since my skin is whiter than snow and i need some sun.  soon.  karsyn is a little ghostly herself.

here's a few more pictures just for fun.  happy friday.

 

 

. how to entertain BOTH kids while you clean the kitchen .

make sure you have a double sink and lots of warm water.

 

 

 

my kitchen got a bath too, but it was so worth it.  we had tons of fun.

{ps.  i'm in the process of switching back to blogspot instead of typepad.  hopefully i'll have the new one up and running soon.  bear with me.}

. our life .

sleep deprivation at its finest here.  no sleep at night is some sort of torture that parents of newborns should not have to go through whatsoever. 

our days are jam packed with baby stuff.  toddler stuff.  house stuff.  just stuff.  all mom's understand what's going on in our house right now, i'm sure.  however, i'm working on some sort of schedule that involves actually teaching my toddler things.  i've neglected this part of our day for a while now and she's slowly catching on to her numbers and abc's, but if i actually spent time teaching her, she'd probably know how to spell her name by now.  not that i'm a good teacher, she's just that smart.

this past month has brought on a whole new world to our home.  and a whole new world is still out there for us to discover. 

first of all.  i do not expect mykah to be sleeping through the night just yet.  karsyn slept for 6 hours straight for the first time at 2 months exactly.  i do, however, think already that mykah is a better sleeper.  it also helps that we have made it a point that, during the day, she sleeps where there is noise.  which is all the time, unless karsyn is asleep as well.

potty training.  not so much even happening right now.  we've tried several times, but karsyn doesn't seem to even care about it right now.  we even tried candy.  this is how that conversation goes...

me: (after trying several other things) "if you go pee pee in the potty mommy will give you a candy (m&m)!"

karsyn: (as enthusiastic as can be) "BYE CANDY!" (and a wave.)

eating.  karsyn eats all the time.  it's a wonder why she doesn't weigh 50 lbs already and how she managed to not gain any weight her whole 2nd year of life.  it's a toddler thing i guess.  mykah is eating well, just as karsyn did at this age.  she eats 5 oz every 4 hours.  on the dot.  usually.  she is formula fed as well, but is lactose intolerant so she takes similac sensitive formula.  at least she doesn't spit up like karsyn did.  halleluja!

comfort.  mykah does take a pacifier.  not all the time.  not when she sleeps.  just sometimes.  and it's wonderful.  karsyn still has her "bankie" (blanket).  she has 4 of them actually and we take 2 of them everywhere we go.  she doesn't carry it around all day, just when she sleeps.

gripe water.  why is it called that?  hmm.  did you ever use this stuff?  it's fabulous!  stops hiccups.  calms mykah down when she's fussy.  and it's all natural.  i highly recommend it.

my favorite man.  he's been wonderful.  my doctor put his foot down and said that i have to get 6 hours of sleep every night.  and it helps me tremendously during the day with my patience with karsyn.  david takes the late night shift and i take the early morning.  it's working for us so far.

me.  i would say that i'm hardly recognizable as the person i once was.  to say the least.  my eyes are dark and puffy.  my hair is never fixed, which is why i'm growing it out now, so i can throw it up in a pony tail when i want.  i'm pretty sure i have spit up in my hair and on my shirt.  i have extra baggy skin that i don't know what to do with or how to hide.  and i don't take a shower every single day of the week.  isn't that gross.  the sacrifices you make as a mom.  BUT, i wouldn't trade it all for the world.  i'm so blessed.  beyond words can explain. 

i'm slowly realizing that as long as the kids are both fed and happy.  that they are clean and have clothes to wear.  that nothing else matters.  God has provided.  to the extreme.  so when the dishes aren't cleaned, the laundry isn't caught up, and the floors are sticky, i know that it'll be the same way the very next day and i'm learning to be ok with that.  it's a process for me.  but i'm getting there.

happy wednesday from the hills. 

[ have Faith ]

no really, lauren ... have that baby already!

my sweet friend is 36 weeks pregnant and i went to a baby shower for her today.  she is absolutely the cutest pregnant lady ever.  she's smaller than i am when i'm not pregnant.  seriously. 

anyways, enough about me.  this will be her very first baby and i am so excited for her.  i know that God has prepared lauren and stanley to be wonderful parents and has equipped them to nurture and take care of baby faith.  i am so excited to see what God has in store for their little family and what joy faith will bring to their lives.

for I knit you together in your mother's womb; you are fearfully and wonderfully made.                psalm 139:13-14

my prayer is that this child will be born so healthy and will bless their lives as parents and i am so glad that God has given them this wonderful child to call their own. I pray that, as parents, they use the gifts that God has given them to equip that child for life, for their future. I just pray that God lays so many blessings upon their family and that the love that passes no other will pour down on them at this time.

love you lauren!  make sure you call me as soon as you go to the hospital!

**and, a little shout out to the blog stalker!  SM.  you know who you are. **

[ sweet valentines ]

 

[ one month ]

mykah reese.

i cannot believe that you have been in our lives for one whole month. it seems like just yesterday we found out about you. i constantly thought about how you would look and what you would be like. i worried about you making it into the world safely and being strong. i wondered if God had equipped me with all the tools that i needed to be a great mom to you and your sister. i prayed that you would have a love of God that would pour out of you onto others and that you would find His special purpose for your life.

we have spent the last month learning you. we have studied your face, fingers, and toes. we have breathed you in to memorize your sweet smell. we have listened carefully to every sound and cry to try and figure out what it is you are telling us. we have tried to protect you from karsyn and became proud at how well she adjusted to your presence.

i hope you know how much we love you. i hope that you feel safe when you are home. i hope that we can show you how to love others and be your own person. i hope that we can show you what it means to have a love for God that defines who you are so you don't have to go searching. i hope that we can give you a security that allows you to be independent and adventurous later in life. i hope that you are strong enough to stand up for what you believe in and not be swayed. i hope that you take the best parts of each of us. i hope that we are everything that you need us to be.

i promise that we will be there to cheer on your every milestone. i promise that we will make you laugh. i promise that when you get your heart broken we will feel it too and love you through it. i promise that we will always be your home.

it is only the beginning, sweet baby, and we are walking this road together. all four of us.  i can't wait to see what is in store for your life and ours together.

xoxo

mommy

[ my most favorite friend ]

let me tell you a little bit about my friend, jasey burnam!  we went through grade school together.  off and on.  off when her family moved to germany.  on when she moved back. we were the best of friends and then we both moved on with our lives after high school.  we re-met in 2004 {?} at the wal-mart in new braunfels. the first time i noticed her, she was hurrying through the store because her poor little puppy was in the car.  and it was summer.  in texas.  soon after, the two of us and our husbands met at their apartment to help them move and had an instant connection! she is a one-of-a-kind friend ... a friend like i've never had before and i'm sure i never will again.  honestly, we have so much in common ... we enjoy the same things ... our husbands are equally disfunctional (haha) ... she is very smart and loves her family ... she LOVES to take pictures ... and, because of all of that, we work!  she's my funniest friend and i love that i often have that "really good laugh" when i'm with her.  she's honest ... i know that i can always call her when i need someone to be real with me ... whether about a big decision or my new hair cut. her life is inspirational ... really, she could write a book with all of the twists, turns, ups and downs she's experienced ... but, there's one thing for sure ... she's so precious to me and in march, i get to go see her again! ... she lives in oklahoma with her hubby and sweet son, konner.  they came to see us twice in january.  right before mykah arrived and right after she was born.  i miss her so.

but we'll see you in march, sweet friend!

[ today we ... ]

enjoyed a lazy monday.  a lazy, RAINY monday. LAUGHED played with ALL of our baby dolls  climbed had lunch on the floor  ate ice cream    shared a dozen kisses before naptime  held hands  wore shorts and t-shirts  played and played  RAN relaxed on the couch while watching cartoons  enjoyed the simple things read a million books felt oh so very blessed  what did you do today?

[ so corny ]

this little girl LOVES corn on the cob.  always has.  watch the progression of this poor little cob as it is destroyed by my kid.  it started out so sweet and innocent.  she was watching my favorite man eat his and trying to copy him.  of course, he was being silly too.  at least i hope he was.  i don't think he REALLY eats his corn like this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[ sweet sisters ]

this is probably my favorite picture of my girls so far.

[ to my girls ]

my sweet girls,

oh how i love you so much.

 

although the last few weeks have been a challenge for us, we are working through them and still having fun.  our days our full, but the memories that we are making just melt my heart.

 

our home is full of hugs and sweet kisses all around and i enjoy that so much, even if y'all don't.

 

i hope both of you know how much mommy loves you and that you mean the world to me.  i'm so thankful that i am able to stay home and take care of you each day.

 

karsyn, you are so much fun right now.  you have such an awesome personality.  full of humor and super smart at the same time.

 

i wish everyone in the world could have a karsyn. 

 

and mykah, you are developing a personality of your own already.  you are going to be more laid back than karsyn is, i think.  i can't wait to watch you grow.

 

inside or outside, we have the best time each day.

 

and those baby blues.  makes my heart skip a beat.  both of you are so beautiful.

but as much fun as we have all day long (and all night right now), you both wear me out so much.  obviously mykah feels the same way.

but i wouldn't trade these moments for all the stars in the sky.

xoxo

mommy

[ wordless wednesday *out-numbered ]

[ dream pedicure ]

i said all i wanted for my birthday was a pedicure.  not only did i get one, it was free, and i had the cutest little nail tech.  she was absolutely adorable, rubbed that lotion in to perfection, and smiled when it was all said and done.  i also got to sit in my very own recliner and drink an ice cold dr. pepper with crushed ice.  if you want a pedicure like this, just tell her i sent you.  oh, and look for her when you go ...