. best friend week - project #2 .

my desk has been a work in progress since i bought it.  i've never had it like i wanted it and, since i spend so much time at it, i had to get it looking right.  i didn't get a before pictures, but i think i've posted one before.  i really just needed something hanging above my extra large computer to balance it out. 

i remembered i had this huge bulletin board that my mom gave me to use for something else.  i brought it in and it was the perfect size.  i also had a table cloth that a friend gave me.  i've wanted to use it because i love it and it matches perfectly, but couldn't find the right spot for it.  i know.  table cloths go on tables.  but i can't have one on mine.  not with all these kids.  i'd have to wash it every day. 

so i stapled it to the bulletin board.  i'm in love once again.

i still need to get it organized and the "stuff" put in the right spots.  that'll change constantly i'm sure.  i want cute stuff on there, pictures, my weekly menu.  but i'm not real sure how i want it just yet, but how cute is it already?!?   it worked out so good.  i already had the antique bicycle basket hanging on the right.  i've wanted to use it for so long and haven't really had a spot for it either.  it works perfectly for our checkbook binder and my receipts holder.

and, the chair MUST be accessorized to match the bulletin board somehow, right?  we thought about making a seat cushion, but i'm really liking this final touch.

yep.  a piece of the table cloth tied in a simple knot.  i'm also going to try to make a few pillows for my couch to tie it all into the living room.  PLUS ... another free project.  i had/was given everything i used.  my mister is loving this!

. best friend week - project #1 .

ok ok ok ... here's the big reveal.  it's probably not as HUGE as you thought it'd be, but we LOVE it.  everytime we walk in the dining room, both of us utter the words "that window is AMAZING!"  and, it's true.  so here she is ...

the before  - it's the door to the back yard that is in my dining room.  the curtain just wasn't working for me.  always fell off.  and was pretty ugly.  i've been looking for a solution for a while now.

enter pinterest.  i found the idea here and LOVED it. 

enter jasey.  she makes me do things.  i like being lazy and i'm not allowed that this week.  she's kept me BUSY!!!  but it's all been so good and has made a huge difference in my house.

we started with these supplies.  contact paper (the clear-ish kind).  scissors.  the blog i linked above had a link to another blog where they found the idea.  unfortunately, at this time, i'm unable to go to the original blog and link that one, but they posted a template that worked perfectly.  the design fits my style right now perfectly too!  so, i printed the template, then cut it out of cardboard so i'd have something better to trace.  oh, and of course you'll need an orange sharpie.  yes, it's necessary.

i started tracing and jasey did this ...

i certainly did put her to work.  she did most of the cutting out, while i stuck the shapes to the window.  we traced and cut out forever and, with 7 kids in the house, this project took us forever to finish.  several hours it seems.  we were about 4.5 hours behind our deadline, but we eventually got it done.  and i LOVE LOVE LOVE it.  here's the big reveal ....

whatdya think?  there are some bubbles.  but you can't really see them unless you are up close.  we don't have backyard neighbors, but i still don't like people peeping in.  this doesn't prevent that, but it helps a lot.  and ... it's CUTE.  which is what i always go for. 

OH WAIT ... the very best part, other than it being AMAZING ... was that it was FREE!!!  i already had a huge roll of contact paper for art projects, so i didn't have to buy a single thing to totally transform an entire door.  can't beat that!

. 31/365 .

i got this brilliant idea to let the kids play in shaving cream today.  i stripped them down and sprayed a glob in front of each kid.  they had a blast and required showers aftewards.

i did love the way my house smelled afterwards.  smelled, i said.  not looked.  it was everywhere.  on th walls.  on the floors.  in every nook and cranny.  but they had such fun, which made it all worth it.

. 30/365 .

these kids have played pretty well together the last few days.  konner got these legos and i was so surprised at how well my girls played with them.  for hours.  seriously.  we may be investing in some. 

. 29/365 .

how fabulous is this fan that the BFF got me for my birthday?!?  i'm not that great of a gift buyer, so i always feel guilty when she buys me amazing gifts like this.  this fan is super cute.  and it's me.  and she knew that.  that's what i love about her.  it's not only the gifts she buys, but it's mainly that she thought of me when she saw it and knew i had to have it.  it's perfect.

. 28/365 .

it's my birthday!!!  i really really really need to post an update about my 30 acts of kindness that i did.  i really want to take time on it though, so this will be a quick birthday post.  ok, maybe not so quick.  i have lots to say.  in addition to the BFF and her family surprising me, my parents also came and surprised me.  they watched all the kids today so my mister and i and the BFF and her hubby could go to houston for the day.  we were so very thankful for them!  the mother-in-law came and helped out and, from what we heard, all went well.  the kids love to play with them and i can't even say how thankful we are that they would do that for us. 

off to houston we went.  and the first place we hit up was crave.  the cupcake place.  it was 11:00 and considered brunch for us.  and the cupcakes were AMAZING. 

after that we headed to some shopping center and then to the galleria.  we ate lunch at ninfa's and walked the mall.  just having adult time and going shopping without small children was the best birthday gift ever.  one last stop by the cupcake place to get a dozen to go and we were headed home.  it was so much fun, but we were EXHAUSTED!!!! 

what a fun birthday it was!!  i'm so very thankful for all of my friends who sent emails, texts, and facebook messages.  the Lord has definitely blessed me with amazing friends and family.  here's to the next thirty years ...

. 27/365 .

LOOK WHO CAME TO SEE ME FOR MY BIRTHDAY!  can someone please tell me why pictures uploaded from my cell phone never turn the right way even though i edited it the right way?!?  it. makes. me. CRAZY! 

so, yesterday during naptime, the BFF and her sweet little family drove up.  i was SO surprised!!!  i'm so very thankful to have such an amazing best friend.  and her family is just a sweet bonus! 

the extra surprise?  the BFF and her 2 kiddos are staying with me for a whole week.  her hubby will go home sunday, and they'll stay.  for a week!  it should be a blast!!!!!!! 

i'm so blessed.  apparently my whole family and a few sneaky friends knew this.  :) 

. 26/365 .

sometimes i'm at a complete loss when it comes to finding words to write on my chalkboard.  i want the words to be meaningful.  consistent with whatever time/season/holiday we're in or close to.  and i want it to be a teaching tool for me with my children.  every single night at dinner they ask me what it says so, to me, writing bible verses is always the best choice.  it usually takes me FOREVER and everandeverandever to come up with something.  this time, i wanted it to be super cute, almost valentines-ish, but not overboard lovey dovey.  know what i mean?  and since i couldn't think of anything else, i used this verse which i already have in print on my desk.  but it's certainly one of my all-time favorites right now.  and i LOVE that i get to read it to my children all day.  and it's definitely a lesson we all need 'round here.

it made me think ... i want to start bible memorization with my girls and this chalkboard is the perfect tool for that.  it's in a central location and said chalkboard is already part of our everyday, since we already talk daily about what it says.  i could pick a verse a week to memorize and keep it on the chalkboard for us to read all day.  brilliant!

. health update .

i wanted to update real quick on myself.  i haven't done that in a while and want record of what all has gone on.  without going into too many details, but just enough where i'll remember years down the road and i look back. 

two weeks ago, my doctor's office called with my test results.  the nurse said that everything look great, but that i had a blood disorder called protein s deficiency and that this disorder was, most likely, causing my miscarriages.  i'm not good with medical details, but i do know that PSD has to do with blood clotting too much.  there's lots of information on it and i'm now on extra doses of folic acid each day in case i do get pregnant again.  {LORD willing.}  also, there's a chance that, if i do get pregnant, i could have to give myself shots of blood thinners daily.  i would definitely be a high risk pregnancy, so it's a lot for us to think about and pray about.  thankfull, i've had a few friends sending me messages about PSD and how they have or have had it with their pregnancies and all has turned out great.

today, i went in for a scheduled HSG test.  i had to check into radiology and wait forever.  once i was finally taken back, i was stripped, robbed, and sat on a cold metal table.  no kidding.  have you ever sat naked on a metal table?  it's not pleasant.  and i'll leave it at that.  without too many more details, the radiologist injected dye into my uterus and into the one fallopian tube i have left.  he took pictures of the dye making it's way through and watched for abnormalities and/or blockages.  he said that the dye going through the tube was delayed a little, but it finally went all the way.  they watch to make sure the dye empties out the other end of the tube, which tells them that the tube is all clear.  he said that there may have been a small blockage, but the dye pushed through that.  he also said that sometimes women are more fertile after the HSG test because the dye tends to "clean you out".  the test only lasted about 15 minutes and he immediately showed us the pictures and gave us the green light.  he said all was well.  and that was music to my ears.  i was nervous all day.  i didn't eat.  i kept myself busy.  so to hear that everything was great, was an amazing end to the afternoon.  {thank you JESUS!} 

that's it.  hopefully this is the last post about this stuff that i'll have for you.  no more tests.  no more bad news.  i keep praying!!  and THANK YOU for all of your prayers too!

. 25/365 .

remember those flower shaped butter cookies we used to get at vacation bible school?  come on, you know which ones i'm talking about!  they fit perfectly on your finger.  like a ring.  i found these and thought they were the same, but they're not.  they do taste the same, but they're pretty big.  and what's with the words?

i still can't figure out what question they are answering.  yes.  no.  maybe.  what?  talk about random!  and this is how they look as a ring ..

yes, i've been told my fingers look like ET's.   whatev.  i don't agree.  they're just a little knobby.  anyway, the ring was quite large, but who doesn't like a big ring?!

. words to remember .

yesterday mykah took a nap, which meant she was still awake at 9:30 last night.  in bed, but awake.  she called me and when i went in there to see what she needed she had the saddest look on her face and said "my foot hurts."  i told her that i was sorry, kissed the top of her foot, and told her to go to sleep.  she said again, "my foot hurts.  'cause i've been eating a lot."  i almost lost it.  that girl is so stinkin' funny!

. "hail" of a day .

let me get right to it.  it rained this afternoon.  and hailed.  i was trying to think of a funny title.  i'm a little lame, i know.  i'm used to it.  i was totally expecting it to storm at 1:00 this afternoon.  it blew in about 12:45 and was a doozy.  it POURED and hailed horribly all at once.  our sidewalk flooded and our front yard looked like a typical texas snow day.  only the snow was "ice cubes" as the kids called it.

my camera didn't really capture the hail that was bouncing off the ground.  but it was there.  and here...

it was piled on the front porch.  and here ...

i'm telling you.  typical texas snow.  it piles here and there, but the ground below looks like springtime.  it's a tad ridiculous.  i was shocked that it came down so hard and so much at once.  and i almost let karsyn go play in it.  the rain that is.  then, just as she stepped foot outside, i realized it was hailing and called off the troops.  she was a little disappointed, but this is how we entertained ourselves for the next few minutes ...

yep.  "lift up your shirt and put your belly on the door to see if it's cold!"  we're real educational 'round here.  they thought it was fun.  no, i didn't participate.  it was quickly time for nap, which i was a little nervous about since it was storming pretty wildly outside.  there's nothing better than a nap while it's raining though.  the littlests (is that a word?) napped and the biggest played in the puddles as soon as the rain and hail stopped. 

poor knobby kneed girl.  i had to take a picture of this.  her legs are so skinny, her knees bang together when she runs.  i'm assuming that's normal. 

it was a crazy day.  for some reason i had my mind set that since it would be raining, it would be calm.  very mellow.  everyone in pajamas singing kumbaya.  it was quite opposite.  but it was fun and no one got hurt.  yup, i set my goals high.

. these days .

maybe it's 'cause i'm about to be the big THREE-OH?!  like i'm really an adult now?  i dunno.  but it's working me over big time.  i've been a mom now for 5 years.  i've owned a house now for 5 years as well.  but making it my home instead of my house?  being a good housewife?  feeding my children and husband healthy (and edible) meals daily?  keeping my house clean?  doing the laundry at a reasonable rate?  it's all stuff i've struggled with for all of those 5 years.  it's stuff that i do (when i feel like it), but definitely a source of stress for me. 

you probably think that my house is clean.  you probably think that i have a list and a schedule for cleaning and a daily to-do list and that i keep up with.  you probably think my house stays clean.  why?  because i'm home every single day.  i don't go anywhere from the time i wake up to about 5:30pm if i do choose or need to go anywhere that day. 

reality is that i take care of at least 5 children daily.  from 7:30 am to 5:30 pm.  and then it continues with my own two littles until they go to bed.  my life is taking care of these children.  i play with them, teach them, and take care of them all day long.  they do have their free time when i clean up after meals, but it's constant until they fall asleep at 1:00.  then, i sit.  that's my life.  and i do love taking care of kids.  i certainly feel like that's where God has called me at this stage of the game.  it's my job.  it's what i do.  it supports my family and allows me sweet time with my own two.  it couldn't get much better. 

i'm not complaining about that at all.  i just don't like that i get behind.  i get behind with laundry and cleaning.  so i freeze.  it's almost paralyzing to look around and see all that needs to be done.  so i sit.  and do nothing.  and get even more behind.  and it simply makes me crazy.  and it all starts over the next day.  there are moments when i think about it and allow myself the thought that i'm not the only mom who feels this way.  surely i'm not the laziest person on the planet.  i'm not on hoarders, for goodness sake.  and my house isn't a complete wreck.  it's dirty though.  i'll say that. 

people tell me all the time ... it's ok.  the time you spend with your kids is more important.  it's ok.  you have a million kids in your house.  it's ok.  you'll have time for that later.  it's ok.  you're busy.  and i'm a little tired of hearing that. it's not ok.  i do have time.  it's not like we're stretched in 20 different directions and i work outside the home.  it's not like i have 10 kids of my own.  heaven help me.  my kids go to bed and from 8:00pm until 11:00pm i sit.  and i do nothing.  seriously.  every day of my life.  sometimes there are cookies involved.  and as much as i am a person of change.  as much as i love schedules and lists.  i'm paralyzed.  i'm in this state of not doing anything because there's so much to do.  and every monday is the day i'm going to fix it all.  and by tuesday it's all hopeless once again. 

finding that balance is HARD people!!!  i don't have it all together and i'm not sure if i ever will.  until then, my kids will keep repeating "does it make you crazy, mama?"  i don't want my children to think of me as the mom who always cleaned.  i don't want my children to constantly hear that i can't come play because of i have to clean.  i do keep those separate.  it's making the most of my time when children are busy or asleep to get 'er done.  maybe that needs to be my motto ... get 'er done.  i'm a little redneck at times, so it'll work.

get 'er done.

. 24/365 .

if you know me, you know how OCD about little things i can be.  and when it comes to paper products, i'm extra OCD.  i'll spare you the details.  all you need to know is that we DO indeed use toilet paper.  but you will not find paper towels or kleenex in my house.  maybe i should rephrase that ... it's something about dry paper towels that give me the hebejebes.  i use these white washcloths for EVERYTHING.  seriously.  to wash hands after each meal.  to wipe faces after each meal.  to clean counters.  to dust.  we use them as our "napkins" at dinner.  and then i just toss them all in the washer and bleach them clean.  we simply wipe our noses on our sleeves.  kidding.  i use baby wipes or boogie wipes for noses.  and the mister and i seldom need to use a kleenex, so i just don't buy them.  the mother-in-law has figured out to either bring her own kleenex or use toilet paper.  literally, chills down my spine when i touch paper towels or kleenex.  yes, i have issues.

i only have 2 rules about my washcloth bin ... they have to be washcloth size.  and they must be white-ish.  ok, 3 rules.  and they all have to be folded the same way.  basically, the mister isn't allowed to fold them.  this antique locker basket full of white towels is easily my favorite part of my kitchen.

do you still want to be my friend?

. 23/365 .

you know, there's just those things that only grandparents would teach their grandchildren to do.  and that one thing varies from family to family, i'm sure.  in our family, the grandparents teach them how to get dirty.  'cause mama don't like dirt!  you know when you come to my house and my girls are in the backyard making mud pies that their mimi has been here.

now, i may be a bad mom for not wanting my girls to get dirty.  but look at those nails?!  and ... i said "not wanting" ... that doesn't mean i don't allow it.  i do.  sometimes.  but there are days when it's just not the best idea to make mud pies.  like today.  when it's 1:30 and you are leaving in a little while to go to daddy's basketball game, babies are inside sleeping, mama hasn't eaten lunch, and you have gymnastics tonight too. 

but how could i resist that face?!  or this one ...

and even though their dinnerware of choice is my perfectly good, clean snack bowls and brand new, white cups, we carry on.  making mud pies.  and getting nastiness under our nails.  just so mama has to bathe us before we can continue our evening activities.  because she needs just one more thing to do today.  but these days are all about having fun for us.  the other kids fall fast asleep, and i get intentional time with my two very own littles.  and we're loving it just like that.

side note: the very reason for these days is #1 b/c this winter weather ain't so winter-like.  it's been beautiful outside, so we turn the TV off after lunch and head outside.  #2 this curly-top girl in the picture above heads off to kinder in 7 short months.  i want to spend all of my time with her.  and i think she's feeling the same.  she's been pretty clingy to the mama lately. 

. 22/365 .

boy does this girl love being in the country.  this weekend the weather was wonderful, although a little drizzly today at times, so we made the most of it and spent the majority of our day outside.  karsyn took her balloon for a walk through poppy's garden.  here's hoping she stayed off the potatoes he just planted!!

. 21/365 .

today was my family's monthly birthday party and it was finally mykah's turn for her party.  she's been talking about it for weeks and counting down the days.  she was so excited!!  my family gets together once a month to celebrate the birthdays of that month.  there were 3 of us this time, along with my sweet cousin's bridal shower, all in one.  that's how we do things.  but the party didn't start until 2:30, so you can imagine how this 3 year old was by the time the party finally started and mama made her take pictures.  she was not happy with me, but she did great.  the party came and went.  we had a lot of fun and mykah made out like a bandit with gifts and money from everyone (and so did i).  i'm so very thankful for the wonderful family we have.  we don't see them often these days, but when we do, we have fun!

. just a proud moment .

this is just one of those things i want to remember.  plus, i'm proud of her, so i wanted to share her with the world.  i've been trying to get a little walk in here and there during naptime here.  my mother-in-law comes to stay while the little ones sleep and i head out.  the few days i have done it, it's been wonderful!  the very first day i told the girls what i was doing and they insisted on going with me.  mykah jumped in the stroller.  she's so my child.  any chance she gets to be carried around or pushed around in a stroller, she's game.  karsyn really wanted to ride her bike.  we had a LONG talk before we even stepped foot outside about how it was going to be a very long walk.  and that i wasn't going to carry her bike back.  we weren't turning around halfway.  we were finishing our long walk, then heading home.  i had to make sure they agreed and had them sign a contract.  not really, but i seriously considered it. 

i had a route mapped out and had originally planned on doing 3 miles.  it was a very attainable goal and should take no longer than 45 minutes.  we just went down our street, across 1 semi-busy road, which made me nervous.  then we came upon an even busier street.  we waited until there were absolutely no cars coming, then we darted across.  i think i had a mild-heart attack once or twice.  when i mapped it out, i just planned on it being me.  only me.  no children to watch.  but having a 5 year old on a bike by a busy street did me in.  so we strolled around the park close to our house and then headed home.  53 minutes and 2.5 miles later we were home.  and my girl made it the WHOLE way!  i was very proud.  i thought a 5 year old riding non-stop basically for almost an hour was pretty impressive. 

needless to say, we won't be making that trek again, but i'm hoping to find another route that takes that long without having to cross any busy streets.  i'm really hoping that biking and walking takes place a whole lot from now on.

. 20/365 .

this is how sweet baby just about every day when we're home.  we stay home.  5 days a week.  and i'm pretty much the laziest person on the planet, so some days she's still in her pajamas when it's bathtime the next night.  i know, i'm working on it.  we are a very comfortable family.  comfy clothes.  no shoes.  messy hair.  when we do venture out in public, i try to make us look like we have a home and a shower and a hairbrush and nice clothes.  really, i do.  but i also like to let my children have their own style (which is something i've just now let go).  she likes this particular dress.  she doesn't like her hair pulled back, although some days it makes me crazy and i insist.  that's her hair, folks.  tried and true.  air dried.  in all its glory.  crazy, frizzy, curly, thin, outta control.  but it's her.  she's wild and crazy and hard to tame as well, so it fits.  and i love it.

. 19/365 .

how sweet (literally) is this face?!?  licking the beaters was her way of helping me make cookies for daddy's basketball team.  this girl LOVES her some chocolate!  i should give her extra since she actually posed for a picture.  maybe she's changing her mind about the whole picture thing?  or maybe the chocolate has gone to her head. 

. 18/365 .

i love this picture of sweet baby.  it truly shows how happy she is.  she's a wild one, that girl.  but she turns the other cheek when she sees the camera come out.  as of today, i still have not taken her 3 year old pictures.  it's not something i'm looking forward to, mainly because i won't see the smile like i do in this picture.  that's how much she hates it.  she may surprise me.  in this one, her and daddy were coloring and he was making her laugh.  i can't even remember what they were doing, i was so focused on her smile and her laugh.  her laugh is so contagious!!  man, i love that girl.  i also love that her daddy is coloring in a barbie color book with her.  it's her favorite thing to do right now.

. 17/365 .

karsyn has grown up so much lately.  or at least that's how it seems.  maybe it's the two front teeth that are missing?  she's developed her own style.  she says things that blow my mind.  she adds single digits.  she has started sight reading.  she is so protective over her little sister one minute and the next minute she's annoyed with her.  typical big sister stuff.  and i love her to pieces.  or lack thereof.  i'm liking the missing tooth look.  reminds me of my west virginia ancestors.  sorry dad.  had to throw that in there.

. 16/365 .

these days i have dark circles and bags under my eyes (which i softened a little in photoshop).  i'm tired.  i'm completely worn out.  i don't sleep well.  but my girls keep me going.  the other babies i take care of keep me going.  some days are monotonous.  some days i need a change.  some days i just need to get out of the house.  some days i just need a friend to talk to.  but every single day i know that my girls will make me smile.  my husband will hug me.  and my Jesus will comfort me like no other.  days at home with toddlers are rough.  we try to keep on schedule.  my house is a disaster and hasn't been cleaned in a while.  and amongst all of that craziness ... life goes on.  and i know if i don't slow down, these days will quickly pass.  my girls are so much fun right now and i don't want to miss a beat.

. 15/365 .

the weather has been so nice lately.  texas weather drives me absolutely crazy, but i'm trying to enjoy it this year.  it's january and it's 65* outside.  today we enjoyed every bit of it.  riding bikes.  walking.  cleaning the backyard.  most of our outside time these days is spent riding bikes and scooters. 

. 14/365 .

the girls and i have a special day just to ourselves today.  when we woke up, we started making button earrings.  karsyn LOVED doing this.  then, it was off to daddy's basketball game, then to see beauty & the beast at the theater.  we ended the day painting toenails and just playing.  i loved every minute of our day together.  and i think they did too.

. 13/365 .

this is my favorite beverage right now, although i have to limit myself b/c of all the sugar.

. 12/365 .

some days it seems like all i do is wash dishes.  all. day. long.  all day long.  did i say all day long?  some days it makes me so crazy.  BUT, today, as i looked at all of these cups that filled my dishwasher, which was riciculous in itself (why are there so many dirty cups?!) ... i realized that i won't have tiny cups and sippy cups in my dishwasher forever.  one day i'll miss those little lids.  so, i'm done complaining about it.  dirty cups means people.  people are in my house making memories. 

. do not worry .

yesterday, the first verse i read was philippians 4:6-7 where it says "don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. tell God what you need and thank Him for all He has done. then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." 

the VERY first thing i read that morning.  i wish i had paid attention then to know that God was actually trying to get my attention with that very verse.  later that day i would receive an EOB from my insurance company that followed suit with the bill i got from my doctor's office the day before.  it explained, not too clearly, that my doctor is out-of-network.  basically i would have to pay $181 every time i had an office visit and ultrasound. 

to say that i was stressed would be an understatement.  i cried.  not only can i afford to pay $181 for one appointment, much less every appointment i go to, but i certainly didn't want to find a new doctor.  this one is amazing.  he is kind and considerate.  he's delivered one of my babies.  he's delivered the news about a miscarraige and more news about a tubal pregnancy of twins.  he's made sure i was ok physically, but emotionally as well.  he knows me.  he knows my body.  how could i just go to someone new.  it stressed me out.  i know doctor's are replaceable.  but i have history with this one and flat out didn't want to find someone new.  my mind was all over the place. 

i went to bed just after being reminded by a sweet friend of that verse that i had read that morning.  she basically told me that i posted that verse on facebook.  i shared it with the world.  and now i'm not believing it.  i took tylenol pm (which helped briefly) to get me to sleep because i knew without it, i wouldn't fall asleep for a while. 

this morning.  i called my doctor.  i anticipated the call for hours.  i just knew they would tell me that they were sorry, but he IS out-of-network and that'd i'd have to figure it out.  the words out of her mouth were "it's a mistake.  it's on bluecross blueshield's end and we are working to fix it.  don't WORRY about it at all."  PRAISE THE LORD!  i'm pretty sure i jumped up and down.  i called my mom.  those two very things, in that order.  as i headed to let my friend know on facebook, it hit me.  God was trying to tell me all along that something would come my way and that i was to not worry about it at all.  He had it.  He knew what would happen.  He knew how i'd react.  He was telling me all along.  What an awesome God that is.  if i had only listened to His plea to me, i would have saved myself lots of diet coke, popcorn, tears, knee bouncing, and stress last night.  if only i had listened. 

. 11/365 .

this is probably one of my most favorite shirts we own and now i don't have a 2 year old to wear it!  karsyn wore it and then passed it down to mykah.  it's gone many miles.  i just love it and i'm a little sad to be retiring it.  this is definitely one that will go into our "favorites" box.

. 10/365 .

today was mykah's big third birthday.  i can hardly believe it.  she still seems so little to me, although she's so smart and sassy like a big girl.  mykah's birthday was so different than karsyn's.  we were actually home and able to celebrate as a family.  what a fun day it was.

. words to remember .

mykah is seriously out of control.  this girl is like crazy funny.  hysterical.  tonight, as we were leaving the cupcake place, she turned around in the doorway and yelled "are you guys ready for some action?!"

also, today she's been calling us "people".  for instance, "hey people."  or "come on people, let's go!"  one time it was "hey girl, can i have some juice?" 

yesterday, she was trying to take her pants off, but still had her shoes on and i was trying to tell her that she needed to take her shoes off first.  she said "give me a chance, mom.  this is not my first ride."  seriously?!?!? 

i can't make this stuff up folks.

. 9/365 .

i made these cookies last night for my mister's basketball team.  and, yes, there's a story behind them.  here's my version.  so, he coaches jr. high basketball.  he has an A team and a B team.  i have had no clue how many boys there were, i just assumed it wouldn't be a big deal ... because one day he came home and said "you know, coach cantu's wife gives his players cookies after every game."  background ... cantu is the 7th grade coach and has coached for 3 years.  so every game, for 3 years, she has made cookies for the boys.  then i get "you know, she puts them in ziploc baggies and puts inspirational quotes from famous coaches on them too."  seriously?  this lady is making me look BAD.  and because of who i am, i planned on making this BIG.  i originally planned on making sugar cookies with basketballs made out of icing on the tops.  yeah, that's a little overboard.  but i did make homemade sugar cookies.  like, with my kitchenaid and all.  i thought "heck with ziploc baggies, i'm gonna go to michael's and buy those treat bags that tie."  and then, "heck with putting a plain jane quote on the ziploc bags, mine is gonna be C-UTE!" 

so, when it came down to it, and i am hand making cookies at 9:00 at night, easy does it.  they did each get two cookies.  the bags got tied.  and a quote got placed on them.  they were okay.  definitely not as if they would have been for a group of girls though.  my mister didn't understand that either, i'm sure.  seriously, my thought process was "these are for boys and they don't care.  all they want is the cookies."  next time, i may use ziplocs.  BUT it turned out great.  and i was so glad i did it.  this counted as my act of kindess #10 out of the 30 i am doing this month.  next week, i gotta step up my game though.  sugar cookies?  i gotta go big.

. words to remember .

*(1/2/12)  karsyn was playing "restaurant", as she called it, and had mykah and bryson sitting down at the table.  she brought them a piece of paper and said "what would you like today?  prancer, vixen, donner, or blitzen?"  my first thought was that santa must not have brought her what she wanted and she was taking it out on the reindeer!!

*(1/4/12) mykah has an attitude. we've established that. i was talking to her in her room about being nice to others and not making ugly faces when we get angry. she said "but mama, i tell you i love you every day!"

*(1/8/12) after church we went to C&J's for lunch.  we sat down, got all settled, plates fixed, drinks made and we bowed our heads to pray.  the girls belted out LOUD the prayer we say at home with all the other kids.  they sang "God our Father, God our Father, once again, once again.  We bow our heads and thank You, bow our heads and thank You.  Amen.  Amen."  loud.  i snickered, but tried to keep my composure.  typically we would say a quiet prayer where just the 4 of us could hear.  the entire restaurant was quiet and heard.  they all snickered and we got a few that commented how cute they were.

*(1/8/12) mykah still sucks her thumb.  a lot.  but we've told her for a while now that when she turns three, she can't suck it anymore.  today she said "only two more days till i can't suck my thumb no more."  we'll see if it goes that well tomorrow.

. today's sermon .

this morning at church was the first sunday our preacher was back after having a heart attack.  i prayed before we even left for church this morning that God would speak to me.  i prayed that whatever He had put in the preacher's heart to say, would directly impact me and somehow comfort me.  i needed counseling directly from God.  you know when you are listening to a sermon and God pretty much smacks you in the face?  you feel like the only one in the room and that the preacher is speaking directly to you?  that's how i felt this morning as he spoke.  i was in awe.  i had a hard time holding back the tears, although i did cry towards the end, as he spoke of trials and the ways God restores joy in your life during these trials you may have.  the first way was that He completely takes the trial out of your life.  the second way is what hit me.  he said that God will enable you to adapt to the trial you are facing in order to magnify His power in your life.  that's where i am.  smack dab in the middle.  although i haven't quite figured out how to show His power through my issues that i'm currently facing, i do know that He has put me in this place for a reason.  He is wanting me to trust Him in every way possible because this trial is not going away.  losing babies is something that i'll struggle with for a long time.  forever, most likely.  so how can i use my trials to magnify Him?!  that's what i'm seeking.  that's what i'm hoping to learn as i seek Him even more.

when i first found out about the tubal pregnancy, i never prayed.  i didn't seek out God's comfort right away.  i grieved first.  it may have been a little selfish to do, but i think it's natural.  i don't think i acted out of the ordinary at all.  i've grieved.  i have days where i still grieve.  today was a grieving day.  i sit on the front row of a walkway at church, so everyone that sits on that side pretty much has to walk in front of me to get to their seats.  i can't even tell you how many pregnant women i saw.  this afternoon i ventured out by myself to target.  that place was covered in pregnant women.  my heart sank.  but i was continually reminded that i didn't accidentally miscarry those babies.  i didn't accidentally come to this point in my life.  He placed me here.  He doesn't necessarily like the trials that i face, but He knows that my heart is with Him.  and, today, that's where my comfort is.  that's where my peace is.  i'm so very thanful for our preacher.  i'm so very thankful that God used him today of all days to speak to me.  it was the counseling that i needed.  it was a great reminder that He IS here and that all is well.

. 8/365 .

today was an absolutely wonderful day.  i've been trying to focus more on our sundays and intentionally having family time that is focused on US.  we are always home together, but the girls are usually watching a movie, i'm doing my own thing and the mister is doing his own thing.  usually two of them nap (and i'm not talking about myself or karsyn, so you can narrow down the others).  today we went to church, went out to eat lunch, then came home and we all got our play clothes on and we played soccer together.  it was a blast!  after that we went for a walk.  how fun it was!  after a little bit of rest time, the girls played in the (unexpected) rain.

it was an absolutely wonderful day.  as i'm typing this, dinner is cooking, the girls are taking a bath, and the mister is watching football.  i wish days like this never ended.

. 7/365 .

oh how fast my girl is growing up.  you see that she lost her second tooth today?  yep.  it's been loose since her first one fell out, so it's taken a few weeks.  last time, she was at my parents house, right after i had surgery and she swallowed it.  i missed it.  i missed my baby losing her first tooth!  it was HUGE for me and i did cry.  this time, she was at my mother-in-law's house and it fell to the carpet below her.  she found it and was so excited!  AND, i didn't cry.  what does make me want to cry is that hair!  it's so out of control!! 

ps.  i did have to pay her a dollar to let me take this picture.  i think i may have started something.

"When God allows extraordinary trials for His people, He prepares extraordinary comforts for them."  Corrie Ten Boom

I spent time this afternoon thinking about and praying for so many of my dear friends who are hurting right now for different reasons.  You know, in the past 4 months, one friend lost her sweet, sweet mother.  One friend had 2 miscarriages.  One friend lost a baby late in her pregnancy, for the second time this year.  One friend lost her baby late in pregnancy right after complications from in-utero surgery.  I had a miscarriage and then emergency surgery for another miscarriage and tubal pregnancy combined.  Those are just the ones that come to mind as I type this.  It's been a HARD last few months.  I was doing great too, early this week, and now I'm drifting back a bit.  So many trials.  So much sadness around us. 

BUT ... there is hope.  And I know where to find it.  And thankfully each of the friends I mentioned above knows where to find it too and they've all turned to God since their own trials, although they have grieved and continue to grieve to this day.  Loss, especially of a pregnancy or baby is so hard to understand.  I never asked God why he took away three babies from me.  I never hated God for allowing that to happen.  But there was deep sadness about it.  I don't understand it.  I never will.  How do you birth two healthy babies, then lose the next three? 

Thankfully, God does not put us here to understand why things happen.  He does not give us trials to understand.  He gives them to us to pull us closer to Him and to rely on Him on a much deeper level than ever before.  The sadness, the worry, the emotions of it all will still be there and don't take away from the faith in Him.  He just asks us to trust in Him fully, without wavering.  I struggle with that.  I do.  I'd totally be lying if I said that I fully trust His every move all the time and He was the first person I thought of when the doctor uttered the words "I'm sorry, you've miscarried."  Selfishly, I thought of myself those times.  When I heard the news of my each of my friends, I immediately grieved.  I didn't praise Him.  How do you praise Him when someone you loved or a baby you longed for is taken away?  That's the hardest thing and I'm struggling with that a little today.  To praise Him.  To love Him.  To honor Him.  To trust Him.  To think of Him above all others.  To fully rely on His words, His actions, His comforts, His peace.  It's definitely what I want to do.  It's definitely where I want to be in my relationship with Him.  Below are just a few of the many verses that I've been reading to help transform my thought process from where it is, to where He wants it to be.  To fully rely on what His plan is for my life and for others.  And what precious promises they are and what amazing, extraordinary comfort they provide.

{Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always.  1 Chron. 16:11}

{The LORD is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made. The LORD upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing.             Ps. 145:13-16}

{"For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13}

{"God has poured out his love into our hearts." Romans 5:5}

. 6/365 .

my goals for this year to get healthy stretch out to my family as well.  while i've always fed my girls things that were good for them and limited their junk intake, i really want to teach them what it means to eat healthy.  i want them to know how important it is to feed their bodies good things.  my mom got them these plates and we love to use them.  the girls make sure they have the right things in each divider and each time we use it, they clear their plates.

. post op update (again) .

but it's the last one!  i had a doctor appointment this morning, which meant yet another ultrasound and more lab work.  my doctor said that everything looks great and even said the words "you're healed!"  although those words were nice to hear, i couldn't help but think that the words "your baby is healthy" or "your babies look great" would be nicer.  healed.  really?  but, it was good to know now that things can move forward and life can go on.  physically, things are looking up. 

after the ultrasound, i met with my doctor in his office to discuss further issues.  i'll be scheduled for an HSG test in the next month or so that will basically flush out the remaining tube to make sure it's functioning properly and to clear out anything that could be causing these issues i'm having.  that'll be another hospital visit, but should be short and sweet.  then i headed down to the lab so they could perform a handful of tests.  that girl took 14 vials of blood.  FOURTEEN!  i don't think i've ever had that many done before.  usually it's one or two.  but fourteen.  there were 11 tests on the lab slip that my doctor wants to run. 

i keep getting asked how i'm doing emotionally.  i'm good.  and no one believes me for some reason.  but i am.  i have days.  but i think that's pretty normal.  i do find myself turning away from pregnant women, or women with small babies.  and it's not that i hate those people that are pregnant or that do have babies.  i have a handful of friends who have had or are in the process of delivering babies right now.  and i'm so happy for them!!  jealousy, maybe?  i wish it was me?  i could try to explain myself all day.  really, i'm doing good.  each day gets better and better, even though i have moments that i'm sad.  i'm constantly looking for encouragement and inspiration in different places and people and God is really providing that comfort that He promises.

. 5/365 .

another thing i really want to try harder at this year is getting more pictures of me WITH my children.  i've said it before, but i always hide from the camera.  i don't like my body and don't want to be reminded of how out of shape i am, i guess.  but i want my children to look back at pictures and SEE me with them, not wonder where i was all the time.  i'm here.  i'm here with them every single day and i want to document that.  this was our first attempt and karsyn actually took this picture of mykah and i.  i do love it and can't wait to take more.  this is one that mykah took.  she needs more practice apparently.

by the way, can anyone recommend a good anti-aging wrinkle cream?  good night nurse, i just realized the wrinkles starting to show.  turning 30 may affect me more than i thought!!

. 4/365 .

i usually don't post random pictures of food, but this is the only picture i took today, so it'll have to work.  one of my goals for the new year is to get healthy.  and the biggest part of that for me is eating.  i don't ever really eat too much, but being home all day with toddlers finds me snacking pretty much all day long and not eating meals that fill me up, which leads to late night binging.  there you go.  i admit that my eating habits aren't good.  it's kind of obvious.  and i feel every bit of unhealthy with very little energy.  and when you have all the kids running around, energy is important! 

there's so many diets out there to try.  so many "don't eat this" rules that people are following.  i don't do well with those.  i'm not going to do a specific no-carb diet for a few months, then go back to grubbin' at the bread table.  i just want to eat healthy.  no diet.  for the rest of my life.  not just for a moment in a year.  only put things that are good for me in my mouth.  diets don't work.  eating healthy does.  and it's a way of life.  that's what i want my life to be.  i'm following the weight watchers plan and i really like it because it doesn't take food out of your life.  if you like pizza, which i do, you can eat pizza.  it's all about moderation and portion control. 

i started monday and i'm doing good so far.  i've had moments when i feel like snacking b/c i'm an emotional eater and i either grab a handful of grapes or a banana and down even more water.  the most important part is that i feel great, physically.  the picture above is of what i've eaten for lunch a few times this week.  a tortilla (which i need to find a healthier version of), fat-free refried beans, 1/4 of an avocado, and salsa.  two of those = 12 points in weight watchers, paired with a cup of grapes and i'm full and completely satisfied.  it's yummy (and yes, i saw this meal on pinterest). 

. live .

last year i decided that i would pick one word that i wanted to live by throughout the new year.  my word for 2011, if you remember, was "dwell".  i wanted to actually make my house my home and dwell in it.  i did great all last year working so hard to make my house what i want it to be.  it's a lot of work!  and my home still isn't exactly how i picture it, but is a house ever really done?  it's always a work in progress.  so i'm still living out my word from last year as i move into a new year.  i'm still rearranging until i find the perfect spot for something.  i'm still organizing.  this year i'm attempting to live simply.  i want fewer things and more memories.  we've taken several loads of stuff to twin city missions and more will go shortly.  it's just stuff.  and the stuff is getting in the way of living, which brings me to my word for 2012 ...

sounds simple enough.  but it's something i have struggled with.  i am a perfectionist.  i like my routine.  i'm a control freak (yes, i'm admitting it).  i tend to get so bogged down with keeping on schedule and making sure the girls are in bed by 8:00 every single night.  i want to live.  i want to let them stay up late if that means we get to finish watching a movie together and getting popcorn everywhere.  i want to experience more.  i want my children to experience more.  i want to learn new things.  i want to cherish friendships God has placed in my life.  i want to nurture those relationships and develop new ones.  i want to grow closer to that same God that provided all of these things for me.  i simply want to live.

should i add that i turn THIRTY years old this month?  sigh.  i want my 30th year to ROCK.