. 3/365 .

yes, i have orange nalgene bottles.  did you expect anything different?  these three bottles represent the amount of water i drank yesterday.  each bottle holds 28oz, which means i downed 84oz.  that's a whole lotta drinkin'!!  as if me drinking that much water in one day isn't a miracle itself, the real miracle is that i wasn't up all night running to the bathroom!  two fist pumps for that!

you see, i NEVER drink water.  i prefer the bubbly beverage ... soda (or "pop" as my best friend calls it ... yes, i make fun of her for that.  she says it's an okie thing.)  anyway, i seldom drink water, but i know the importance of it.  so this year, i am going to drink water.  plain and simple.  now, i take care of 6 children in my home most days of the week.  2 of those are here 24 hours a day.  water will not keep me sane, especially first thing in the morning.  so, i do allow myself one diet coke when i first wake up.  it gets me going!  but after that is gone, water it is.  i already feel better after one day.

. 2/365 .

i have to share this picture because it's one that i actually like.  i am always the one behind the camera, never in front, for that very reason.  i just don't like to have my picture taken.  my mister took this one for me because i wanted a new facebook profile picture.  silly, i know, but very important.

you know, this face hasn't truly smiled too much in the last 3 months.  definitely not in the last 3 weeks.  so to see that i had it in me is quite uplifting to the soul.  we began our day yesterday going to church, which was really what we needed.  i've made a promise that this year i would devote myself to learning more about God and what He has in store for me, so what better way to kick off the first day of the new year than by going to worship the very One who created me.  and the sermon was right on what i needed to hear. 

he talked some about fear.  for instance, your own child grows up fearing you, so he/she obeys you.  once they start fearing their peers (what they think, what they say), they stop fearing you and start to disobey you.  i think for the whole year of 2011, i did not fear God.  i disobeyed Him and did not once fully rely on Him and what His plan was for my life.  i'm sure there were moments when i did fear Him, but not that i can truly remember.  i feared acceptance.  i feared fitting in.  i feared making friends.  i feared failure.  all of those things consumed me.  and so i had no time to fear God.  i so earnestly wanted to make new friends, to find that one friend who i hoped to be close with, that group of friends who wanted me for me.  and failure?  i have feared failure like it was a shark attack.  if there is any chance for me to fail, i quit, give up, move on, shut down.  now, there's always a chance for failure, no matter what you do, but i took it to the extreme.  i feel like i've failed a few friendships that God brought to my doorstep for me to accept.  i feel like i've failed my family, in being so caught up in my miscarriages/surgery.  so you can imagine that i spent most of my year doing nothing.  i waited.  waited for a friend to call me.  waited for someone else to be the friend when i could have been the instigator.  waited for someone to pick me up.  when all along God was standing there, waiting for me to remember that He is always by my side.

this year.  it's all God.  that's just where i need to be.  friendships fail.  heck, family can even fail sometimes.  but God will never fail us.  i find myself trying way too hard to get people to like me, when they probably already do, but not even thinking about how i don't need to impress my God.  He created me.  He formed me.  He made me, me.  and that's all that should matter.  i want to earnestly seek Him in all that i do and trust wholeheartedly that the things that happen in my life are so well constructed and planned by God, that there is no need to worry. 

"but seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.  therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself."             Matthew 6:33-34

. sweet days .

my girls are growing up way too fast.  i'm trying to be patient and enjoy my time with them and not to focus so much on the things that i think i need to do.  the kitchen will always be dirty.  the floors will always be sticky.  there will always be laundry on the floor.  but my girls won't be little for very much longer.  any chance we get, i want to use it just being together and making sweet memories.

karsyn is five.  she acts 15 most of the time, but i thoroughly enjoy her innocence.  today she was telling mykah all about Jesus in the car on the way home from church.  it made me never want to leave church again.  it was the sweetest thing.  she even told her that old people die and go to heaven to be with Jesus.  david and i snickered in the front seat, but i was so very thankful they were able to talk to each other about Jesus and how much He loves them.

this is a different kind of editing i did on this picture of mykah, but i love that it captures her dark features.  she's one of a kind!  and the funniest kid i've ever known.  she's hysterical!  and she knows that in 11 days she will turn 3.  she doesn't understand why policemen only let 5 year olds sit in a booster seat with a seat belt.  and certainly doesn't like waiting until the next meal to eat.  i've always called her my spitfire, and she still fits that mold.

and they go hand in hand.  most of the time.  they certainly do fight like sisters fight, but they love each other more than i ever imagined.  and wouldn't you know, they would both want to ride on one 4-wheeler together instead of riding on their own.  i could have saved some money!  they took turns driving for the longest time, until mykah forgot to hold on and flipped off, scraping up her elbow.  luckily she didn't hit her head.  then the fun was over.  i'm so very thankful i have two girls.  i love the sweet bond of sisters and my heart melts every single day watching them and listening to them play.  karsyn is the typical big sister, very protective and teaches mykah the most amazing things.  and mykah is the typical little sister, picking on karsyn, taking her toys, and pestering her every chance she gets. 

what a sweet life it is with these two.  and i wouldn't have it any other way.

. 1/365 .

you got it.  i'm definitely doing project365 for another year.  if i don't, i may never blog again.  it keeps me going and i'm certainly going to love having 2011's blog book to look at.

my main goal of 2012 is to grow closer to God.  2011 sucked.  just to be honest.  there definitely were highlights and wonderful times with my little family.  karsyn got to play soccer for the first time and loved it.  david finished his master's degree.  LOTS of firsts and LOTS of great memories.  but when the year ended with one miscarriage and one tubal pregnancy and emergency surgery, that's what my mind has been focused on. 

my verse for this new year .. a verse that i want my children to learn .. a verse that i want my house to run on .. a verse that i want to remember always .. a verse that i want to share with you is this ...

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, the new has come."  2 Corinthians 5:17

what wonderful encouragement that is for me.  it reminds us that a new year is upon us.  new chances.  new opportunities.  new creations in Christ. 

. 365/365 .

amazingly it has been 365 days since i started project365 on here.  this year, thankfully, has flown by.  it wasn't the best year for me and i'm so ready to see what 2012 has in store.  of course we had some wonderful times that were such blessings for me and my family, but somehow the bad outweighs the good in my mind, most likely because the bad all happened at the end of the year.  this new year's eve we spent going to laundromats to drop quarters in the machines for people who would be coming in to do their laundry.  it's one of my random acts of kindness that i'm doing for my birthday.  so the last picture of project 365 ...

yep.  a stack of quarters.  i would pay a million dollars for this next year to be the best year ever.  and i'm hoping that even the small amount of quarters that we gave out tonight would help just one person in the biggest way.  you never know.