. 14 week update .

How far along?  14 weeks
Gender?  BOY!!!  i'll post that story and picture today too!

Total weight gain/loss: lost 9 lbs

Maternity clothes?   finally broke down and bought a pair of maternity pants.  they're just more comfortable than wearing the belly band.

Best moment this week:  finding out the gender!!!  it wasn't planned, it just happened.

Miss anything:   being able to drink anything.  i sip on either water or barely-sweet tea (this week) all day long, but to just gulp down a big drink is something i actually miss.  and coke icees.  baby likes no soda! 

Movement:  i've felt a few flutters, but i'm not convinced yet that it is the baby i'm feeling

Food cravings:  fresh, ice-cold fruit.  mainly cutie oranges this week.  and salty stuff. 
Anything making you queasy or sick:  today ... the thought of smelling chicken.

Have you started to show yet:   definitely.

Labor Signs: no.

Belly Button in or out? it's still in, but it seems to be surfacing quickly this time.

Wedding rings on or off? so far, they're still on.

Symptoms:  as long as i take zofran (4 times a day) i'm WONDERFUL!  i've had several good days this week, but today i'm out of zofran and feeling queasy.  my dr is working with my insurance this morning to get me more meds!

Happy or Moody most of the time:  happy, i'd say! 

Looking forward to:   buying all things BOY!!!

Dreading anything?:   still dreading my gall bladder surgery, which is now officially scheduled for may 18th.  i definitely feel like it's the right decision for me, but it's still stressful.

. 12 week update .

I decided to skip the picture this week for a few reasons.  First, I look and feel yucky.  Second, I think my belly looks the same.

How far along?  12 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: lost 8 lbs

Maternity clothes?   still wearing the belly band, however, i lost weight, so my jeans are so loose now and i have a hard time keeping them in place.

Best moment this week:  eating a real meal.  not only have i been nauseated, but being on a no-fat diet has been horrible.  last night, i strayed from that and had a steak and it was absolutely delicious.  and it stayed down!!  that's extra points!

Miss anything:   having any kind of energy.  i haven't cleaned in quite a while now.  i haven't done much laundry.  i don't do much of anything.  movement sends me straight to the bathroom, so staying still is best. 
 

Movement: not yet. it's still pretty early to feel anything i think.

Food cravings:  being on a no-fat diet had me craving everything i couldn't have.  yesterday i craved steak and had to give in.  i think i wanted something that would just fill me up! 

Anything making you queasy or sick:   smells still.  and i can't walk into my kitchen AT ALL without gagging.  it's a little ridiculous now.  bending over does me in too.

Have you started to show yet: yes.  i don't think i've grown any since my last update, but it's still very obvious that i'm pregnant.

Labor Signs: no.

Belly Button in or out? it's still in, but it seems to be surfacing quickly this time.

Wedding rings on or off? so far, they're still on. 

Symptoms:  still very naustead.  i was able to stop taking progesterone this week, which i thought would ease the nausea a little, but it didn't. 

Happy or Moody most of the time:  both still.  pray for my husband!

Looking forward to:  working on the nursery!  we'll do that this summer, once we know if it's a boy or a girl.  i'm really just ready to have it all in place.  everything ready.  and to hold this sweet baby already.  then i remind myself that i still have 6 months to go!!!

Dreading anything?:   gall bladder surgery.  i know it needs to happen, but surgery while you're pregnant just doesn't sound fun to me.  i'm still confident in my decision though, so surgery will take place on may 18th.  i also had to tell all of my daycare parents that i will no longer be keeping kids after my surgery.  it's bittersweet.  i'm definitely going to LOVE my time with only my children, but i'll certainly miss my daycare kids. 

. another chance to trust .

in the early hours of wednesday morning, i woke up suddenly with horrible chest pains.  part of me worried it was my gall bladder, just because every woman in my family has had theirs removed i think, so i kind of knew my time was coming.  another part of me thought it was just really bad gas.  the pains continued to get worse, i was sweating, throwing up, and couldn't breathe.  i waited it out for a few hours before i couldn't handle it anymore and called my doctor's answering service.  i wanted to reach through the phone when she asked if it was really an emergency or if i could wait until business hours.  seriously?  i was gasping for air.  i kindly informed her that i was a high risk pregnancy, that i had seen dr. gayle every week since i got pregnant, and that he'd want to know what was going on.  he called me back about 20 minutes later and told me to go to the ER right away.  the next day he told me that he though i had a pulmonary embolism (blood clot in my lung) because of the way i sounded.  he was really worried.  i could barely walk, but managed to make it to the car.

to the ER we went.  wouldn't you know, when you say "pregnant" and "chest pains" in the same sentence, they get you in fast.  within 2 minutes, they had me in a bed, robe on, doing an EKG, which came back perfect.  they got me hooked up to an IV because i was also dehydrated and added some zofran and pain meds in with it.  i was feeling better fast.  next up was an ultrasound, which did reveal that i had "gall stones and sludge" in my gall bladder.  sludge just doesn't sound very pleasant.  they sent me home later on and had me follow up with dr. gayle.

dr. gayle called and wanted to see me at 8am the next morning and had also arranged for me to meet with a surgeon (whose name i still can't remember.  how ridiculous is that?).  dr. gayle's first words to me were "if it's going to happen, it's going to happen to erin hill."  i'm unsure now how many times he's said that in the last 8 months.  he did an ultrasound to check on the baby, who was thriving.  the baby is doing so well and was wiggling all around, which was such a blessing to see.  the heart looks great, the brain looks great, and everything is developing as it should.  i immediately praised Him!!!

dr. gayle discussed with me the risks of having gall bladder surgery as well as the risks of not having it.  my mind was kind of already made up that i wanted the surgery because i knew that it was safe for the baby and i didn't really want to experience that pain ever again.  he directed me to be on a no fat, lots of liquid diet and lots of extra rest.  we discussed bed rest, just because he's being extra cautious about any added stress to the baby since i'm still in the first trimester, but i simply promised that i'd rest as much as i could. 

meeting with the surgeon brought even more comfort in the decision to have surgery.  it would have to wait until i was at least 14 weeks, but he has performed this surgery on lots of pregnant women with much success.  we are tentatively planning the surgery for the last week of april.

as i was leaving the surgeon's office, dr. gayle was walking in the hallway, so i was able to update him on what all the surgeon had to say and our decision to do the surgery.  i let him know that the surgeon would keep him informed on how the surgery goes and that they would be monitoring the baby the entire time.  dr. gayle immediately said "oh, i'll be there for the surgery."  i can't say enough how grateful i am for such a wonderful doctor.  he has truly been amazing. 

even better, here's another situation in which God is forcing me to trust Him.  i can't be worried.  i can't stress out about it.  He is orchestrating the entire process.  and there's a peace about it.  once again, there is peace.

. 10 week update .

i definitely need to work on the set up of this photo shoot.  i plan on doing it probably every 2 weeks and i'm not fond of this spot in my house to hang the chalkboard.  my tummy definitely looks smaller today than it did a few days ago.  probably because i've been throwing up so much lately.  at my appointment yesterday, i had lost 5 lbs since last week.  this picture was taken at the end of a very long day.  i didn't even fix my hair before we took the picture.

How far along?  10 weeks.  due october 25.  it changed to the 22nd now.

Total weight gain/loss:  lost 8 lbs

Maternity clothes?  I'm rocking a belly band with my jeans only b/c my jeans won't button.  Other than that, I'm wearing all my regular clothes.  Who am I kidding?  T-shirts and pajama pants will fit for a while and that's what I live in.

  
Best moment this week:  telling the girls that they will be big sisters.  their reactions have been priceless.  karsyn is super excited and just talks about all the things she'll be able to do with the baby.  she'll be my big helper.  mykah has surprised us.  she constantly wants to pat my tummy and lay down by the baby.  she's been so sweet.  another high moment was sharing the news with everyone.  it's been a hard secret to keep!

Miss anything:  i miss my morning caffeine.  i was pretty addicted to soda and that's all i want right now, but carbonated beverages just don't sit well with my tummy.  i think the hardest part of this whole experience so far is taking care of 6 children throughout the day.  (i have a daycare in my home).  IT'S HARD!  and by 5:00 i'm so worn out. 

  

Movement:  not yet.  it's still pretty early to feel anything i think.

Food cravings:  i definitely have more aversions than cravings right now as my all-day sickness is pretty crazy.  i did, however, send david to the store one day for olives, sweet pickles, & strawberry ice cream.  yesterday he had to go buy those mustard pretzels and cheesecake.  so random.  the things i want to eat seem to change daily and i'm not able to eat a whole lot.  i pretty much snack all day long.

Anything making you queasy or sick:  smells.  i can't cook anything.  not even chicken nuggets in the microwave.  it all sends me running to the bathroom.  and bending over.  when i bend over to unload the dishwasher, i can pretty much guarantee that i'll be throwing up.

Have you started to show yet:  yes.  and you'd think i was 6 months pregnant already or that there were twins in there.  i'm chalking it up to the fact that i already had a belly and now i can't suck it in.

Gender:  we don't know yet, but we will find out.  probably closer to june.  david and i both want a boy and we both think it's a boy, but the girls both say it's a sister. 

Labor Signs:  no.

Belly Button in or out?  it's still in, but it seems to be surfacing quickly this time.

Wedding rings on or off?  so far, they're still on.  i've had days where i couldn't put them on, but they are few and far between.  i tend to retain lots of fluid when i'm pregnant. 

Symptoms:  VERY tired.  VERY nauseated.  i must say that things are much different this time than they were when i was pregnant with my girls.  i don't throw up all the time.  usually once a day, in the evenings.  with the girls, i threw up all day long.  but the nausea doesn't leave.  and it all gets worse in the evenings.  i pretty much stay on the couch all evening long and fall asleep around 8 or 9 without fail.  poor david has to wake me up, give me my evening meds, and send me to bed.

Happy or Moody most of the time:  happy and moody.  my poor husband would probably say moody.  isn't everyone who doesn't feel well?  i think being nauseated is the worst feeling in the world.  but i am so very happy to have a bun in the oven.

Looking forward to:  finding out the gender.  i'm a planner.  i gotta know!  and i'm hoping by that time i won't be so sick all the time.  my doctor said at my appointment today that we'd be able to find out rather quickly. 

Dreading anything?:  not yet.  it's all still so fresh and new.  labor & delivery doesn't bother me at all.  i actually like the whole experience.  i am already preparing myself, however, for very little sleep and taking care of my other 2 children.

. a true miracle .

i've been so excited to share my story, but it had to be the right time.  i had to get through the first weeks of it all to make sure i was in the clear to share the news.  so, here goes ... (it may be long, but i wanted to be able to look back and remember it all)

if you remember back in mid-january, i went to the hospital to have an HSG test done.  it was done in radiology and only took about 30 minutes for the actual test, but they shot dye into my uterus and fallopian tubes to #1 make sure the right tube really was gone.  #2 to make sure my uterus was ok and had no problems.  #3 to make sure the remaining tube was still functioning properly.  all went well and i was on my way.  my doctor did explain that sometimes this test makes a woman more fertile because it cleans everything out.  boy was he right! 

just a few weeks later, on february 15th, we found out that we were pregnant.  we weren't quick to get excited this time as it would count our 3rd miscarriage in a row if things weren't right.  but we were a little excited that it happened so fast and that we wouldn't have to wait any longer to find out that we'd be adding a 3rd little one to our family.

i had already been taking 3mg folic acid, 1 baby aspirin, and a prenatal vitamin each day.  now i was back on 200mg prometrium (a progesterone supplement) twice daily.  and my levels were increasing like they should be.  things were looking good.

thursday, february 23 was the first ultrasound.  at 5 weeks 3 days, there was a gestational sac, a yolk sac, and a fetal pole, but the baby wasn't visible at this point.  he said things looked good.  there was a pocket of blood next to the sac, but he said that this was normal and it looked okay.  we were happy.  hesitant again to get too excited.

monday, february 27 was the second ultrasound.  i was so nervous.  the ultrasound tech came in and started the ultrasound.  she said that there wasn't anything there and went to get the doctor.  as soon as he walked in, i started crying.  i knew that we had miscarried again.  i couldn't talk.  he kept asking me if i was feeling okay, and i couldn't respond.  he finished the ultrasound and i met him in his office.  the rest of it was kind of a blurr.  i cried the entire time i was in his office.  wondering why we were having to go through this again.  i couldn't answer any of his questions.  and he respected that.  i did tell him that i didn't want to do a D&C and that i'd prefer to just let the miscarriage happen naturally.  he mentioned a pill that i could take if i wanted to, but to wait a week and see if it happens on its own.  he walked me out the back door and that was it.  i cried off and on the rest of the day and told my family and a few friends.  it seemed to get harder and harder.  he did tell me to stop taking all medicine that day, so i complied with those orders.  my doctor did tell me later that when i left his office that day, he felt sick the rest of the day.  he immediately prayed for me and had other people pray for me as well.  what a blessing that is to know.

the rest of the week i was still feeling pregnant, despite being on all the hormone medicine.  i was very nauseated.  very very tired.  and i prayed.  i was in constant prayer all week.  i remember praying for God to take it all in His hands.  this whole thing was His.  and i felt a great peace about it.  i stopped worrying.  i stopped stressing and wondering.  i prayed.  anytime i even felt like i was going to get anxious, i prayed.  i have never prayed so hard before, but i really wanted to give God full control.  i've said that before about several things, but have never really given Him full control.  i've never really trusted Him 100% like i should.  there has always been a small amount of control that i keep to myself.  not this time.  it was all God's.  and i was peaceful.  and pregnant.

monday, march 5 i was still feeling pregnant.  i called and spoke with the nurse and told her that i still had not yet had any signs of miscarriage and that i would take the pill.  at this point, i wanted it to all be over with.  i was done feeling pregnant if i really wasn't.  i did, however, request an ultrasound before i did anything further.  i was able to go in at 1:30 that day, which was a blessing.  the ultrasound tech walked in as i was praying and i immediately said "now, i'm not expecting to see anything new, but i had to make sure before i went any further."  she totally understood and started the ultrasound.

i immediately knew.  there was a baby!!  the sac looked perfect.  and there it was.  a little flicker.  the baby had a heartbeat and all was well.  she looked at me and smiled.  she said that the doctor would want to see me for sure.  she told me that she went to him while he was with another patient and said "dr. gayle, erin's baby has a heartbeat!"  and he replied "malisa, that's not even funny.  that's not a good joke."  he came right away and did another ultrasound to see for himself. 

he was pretty quiet.  he was so unsure about what had happend and fumbled his words for a medical explanation and continued to come up with nothing.  the ultrasound the week before showed that the sac was getting smaller.  the yolk sac and fetal pole were gone.  so for everything to be there this week, plus a baby and a heartbeat was a true miracle. 

the blessing for me was that he was quick to point out that it was all God.  he explained that there are miracles that we pray for, for instance when a loved one is on the operating table and dying, and we pray that they live.  it'd be a miracle that they live.  this is a different miracle.  it's a HUGE miracle.  and there's no explanation other than God.  it's something that, medically, should not have happened, but God allowed it.  i honestly can't say that i was excited.  more like in shock.  very very happy, but in shock.  and, as my doctor explained, there was just a peace about it all.  we were all in this strange, but completely happy peace.  we're happy.  we're ecstatic.  we're blessed.  we're so very thankful.  but we're peaceful about it all. 

my doctor asked when i wanted to look again at the baby and i really had no response.  i'd see it again that same day if i could, but i assumed protocol would be another week or two.  he decided that he couldn't wait a whole week, so that friday i'd be back.

friday, march 9 i was there at 8am sharp.  the very first patient.  ultrasound showed ..
a healthy baby!  a strong heartbeat.  the arm and leg buds are forming.  and all looked great.  my doctor kept saying "wow.  wow."  the nurses are in shock as well.  it's so amazing to be IN a miracle.  to BE a miracle.  and for them to witness a true miracle.  it's been wonderful for all of us to experience.  again, he can't wait to look again as he said "this is a real miracle baby.  i want to look at it as many times and for however long i can!"  so, back i went back in just 4 short days.

as of today, i've had 6 ultrasounds done.  he's just checking to make sure all is growing well.  and it is.  the heartbeat has been a strong 159-169bpm.  the arms and legs, fingers and toes are forming perfectly.  and everything is right on track for it's age. 

it's been so hard to keep this a secret.  not only because we are excited to be having another baby, but to share the news that God does still give us miracles.  He does move mountains.  He does listen and answer prayers.  i've wanted to shout from the rooftops how awesome my God is, so keeping that a secret was hard.  this baby is a true miracle.  and i'll share that story for the rest of my life.