the last 2 years we have done some sort of advent activity daily through the Christmas season. one year it was 25 different books. last year, we missed days here and there because of my surgery. this year we decided that we wanted our focus in our advent activities to be solely on Jesus. we're trying extremely hard to make Jesus the focus of our every day. we have gotten so caught up in life it seems that sometimes we skip our prayers. or we decide that we're too tired to go to church. we're refocusing that. Jesus is top priority. we go to church. we talk about what we learned at church. we pray before every meal. we pray before we leave the house. we pray before we go to bed. if the girls are arguing, we pray. if someone is sick, we pray. i'm trying to talk to karsyn about praying whenever she wants to. i want her to learn, now that she's almost 6, about building that relationship with God. so, this year, for advent, we are reading out of this book daily ...
and boy am i glad i came across this book. we read one chapter each night at bedtime. it's been wonderful. each chapter is leading up to the birth of Jesus.
here's where i'm going with this post. last night, the chapter was titled "ten ways to be perfect". it got my attention fast. i am a perfectionist. i try to be perfect in all that i do. these days, it's bad, with all this energy that i have from losing weight and taking supplements. i go 90 miles an hour all day long trying to make things perfect. i went 8 months being pregnant and not doing a single thing, so part of me just feels that i'm making up for that time. during those months, my house was david's house. he did all the laundry. he cleaned. and now i want my house back. i want it how i want it. and i want things to flow perfectly. so every day i go and go and go, striving for that perfection that i want. it's obviously my idea of perfection, but it's still perfection. i want everything to be in its place. i want the clothes washed and folded properly. i want the canned goods to be perfect. i want my children to be perfect.
with all that being said, understand that i do take time for my kids. we still sit down for dinner every night and talk about our day. i still sit down and read books to them. i take every chance i get to rock jaxton. i swing mykah on the swingset when she asks. we play barbies. so i'm not neglecting my time with them just to get everything else in life in order.
but, in our story last night it talks about God giving us the 10 commandments that would be guidelines for being perfect. God knew that when He gave us those commandments that we would not be able to keep them all, perfectly, all the time. It says "Only one Person could keep all the rules. And many years later God would send him - to stand in their place and be perfect for them. Because the rules couldn't save them. Only God could save them." i've had this on my mind since reading it. No matter how perfect I try to be, it doesn't matter to Him. it matters only to me. i don't think my husband and children even care if things are in its place. the perfection is only for myself. and, since I should be trying to live for God and to have Him be seen through me, the attempt at perfection is meaningless. all it does is keep order in my home, which is important, but not near as important as keeping Him in my home.
today, my prayer is that my focus on perfection would shift. that i wouldn't try to kill myself to keep things perfect. that i would focus my entire day on Him and making my life pleasing to His eyes. and that others would see that. that others would see that i'm not a perfectionist, but that i'm living my life the way God intended.