. the hands of a man .

how awesome is it that my son's head laid in the hands of a man who is 80 years old?

how awesome is it that my son's head laid in the hands of a man who has lived a long, hard, but abundant life?

how awesome is it that my son's head laid in the hands of a man who has seen more change & heartache in this world than i will ever see?

how awesome is it that my son's head laid in the hands of a man who has done more manual labor than any of my children (or i) will ever do?

how awesome is it that my son's head laid in the hands of a man who has been married to the same wonderful woman for 57 years?

how awesome is it that my son's head laid in the hands of a man who has loved on 5 children, triple the number of grandchildren, and nearly as many great-grandchildren?

how awesome is it that my son's head laid in the hands of a man who is still able to create masterpieces out of wood?

how awesome is it that my son's head laid in the hands of the man that my mom still calls "daddy"?  

how awesome is it that my son's head laid in these very hands?  the hands that belong to my poppy?  the same hands who held me when i was that age?  the hands who still pick blackberries with my daughters?  the hands who still swing small children? 

it's pretty awesome.  and i'm thankful for those very hands that held my son's head that day.

. sleepy boy .

he likes his mama.  and he likes her left shoulder. 

seems like no matter who has him, if i take him from them, he snuggles right up and calms down.  sometimes he falls asleep.  typically, i put him in his bed awake and he falls asleep on his own.  or i rock him at night before bedtime.  but sometimes i can just hold him up on my shoulder and he'll fall asleep just like this. 

sweetest. thing. ever.

. merry christmas .

I was a slacker mama this year.  The kids have Christmas pajamas, but somehow they didn't make it on their bodies.  Jaxton had his on just before the picture, but spit up on Santa.  Christmas was different for us this year in a few ways.  We had several firsts.  It was our first Christmas with three kids.  And it was also our first Christmas to drive home Christmas Eve to have Santa come to our house.  In the past, we've always been at my parents house and Santa came there.  Now that the day is done, I can honestly say that I miss being at my parents house.  I've cried a few times today just thinking about what we're missing by being there.  We ended up having a good day despite my emotional start.  

I must say, Christmas with three kids was a lot of fun.  I cannot wait to see what next year holds.  The joy, excitement, happiness, and wonder on their faces is so much fun to be a part of as a parent.

. words to remember .

mykah ... "papa, some people think you're a crazy person."

mykah ... "mama, please take out my eyeballs."

mykah ... "anyone want a hug?"

can you tell she keeps us entertained?

. SIX .

 

she's six.  

i don't even know the words to type to tell you how proud i am to be this girl's mama.  but how can she already be 6 years old?  i look back at baby pictures and tears fill my eyes.  she's grown so much and into such a beautiful, smart girl.  she's certainly not a baby anymore.  thankfully she has kept her crystal blue eyes.  

i look back and remember that it took her 2 years to grow hair.  and now her curls are uncontrollable.  she has her own style.  she has her own sense of humor.  she has her own way of doing everything.  and i love that about her.  she can be shy and timid.  a little self-conscious at times.  stubborn most of the time.  extremely smart.  bossy.  she certainly knows what she wants.  

and all of that makes her karsyn.  

 

she loves school.  she loves her friends. she loves that she can read some.  she loves that she knows addition and subtraction.  she still loves soccer.  and music.  and singing.  she's a pretty passionate girl.  and i'm so thankful she's mine.

  

. 3 months old .

my buddy is 3 months old.  i can't even begin to tell you how fast time is flying by.  i saw a tiny newborn baby this morning who was the same size as jaxton was when he was born and it nearly brought me to tears.  he is much bigger now than he was.  and it's hard to imagine.

you know, when our journey to have our third child began last year, it was hard to even fathom having one more.  hard to know what it would be like.  and now, at just 3 months, it's hard to remember what life was without him.  i could rock him, squeeze him, snuggle with him every hour of every day.  and i do as much as possible.

there's something about that first son.  and something else about that last baby that you'll have.  he got it double and he's sure to be spoiled.  even more than i ever thought possible.

so, at 3 months, my little guy is ...

* sleeping through the night.  what a shocker that was.  one night i just randomly decided to try to put him to bed by 8pm and see what happens.  we thought he was super colicky. we thought there was something wrong with him because for at least 4 hours every evening he would scream.  little did we know that all he wanted was to go to bed early.  all it took was 1 night.  he went down at 8pm and i had to wake him up at 7:30am to feed him before taking karsyn to school.  he's never looked back!  he has slept at least that long since then. 

* loves his schedule.  he is ready for his bath at 7pm.  then he knows that there should be a bottle in his mouth immediately after.  by 8pm he is snuggled in bed.

* started sucking his thumb.  actually gags on the paci now.  which is NOT what i wanted at all.

* has the sweetest smile ever.

* mama's boy.  for sure.  he leans towards me when someone else is holding him.  and he has a special spot on my left shoulder where he likes to hang out.  he wraps his little arms around my neck, holds onto my hair, & snuggles in.  it's the best thing in the world.

* still hates being in the car.  he screams every single time.  usually until i reach back & stick my finger in his mouth.  then he's good.

* is just now starting to wear some 3-6 month clothes.  still in size 2 diapers.

. ten ways to be perfect .

the holiday season is so different this year.  i'm not sure if it's because i actually feel good and am not recovering from emergency surgery like last year.  if it's because the girls are older and i have a newborn.  or if it's simply because time is flying these days like never before.  i know for sure that my creativeness has flown out the window.  my desire for the girls to always look cute and put together.  these days, i'm lucky if their hair is fixed properly or if mykah even has shoes on. 

the last 2 years we have done some sort of advent activity daily through the Christmas season.  one year it was 25 different books.  last year, we missed days here and there because of my surgery.  this year we decided that we wanted our focus in our advent activities to be solely on Jesus.  we're trying extremely hard to make Jesus the focus of our every day.  we have gotten so caught up in life it seems that sometimes we skip our prayers.  or we decide that we're too tired to go to church.  we're refocusing that.  Jesus is top priority.  we go to church.  we talk about what we learned at church.  we pray before every meal.  we pray before we leave the house.  we pray before we go to bed.  if the girls are arguing, we pray.  if someone is sick, we pray.  i'm trying to talk to karsyn about praying whenever she wants to.  i want her to learn, now that she's almost 6, about building that relationship with God.  so, this year, for advent, we are reading out of this book daily ...

 

 (source)

and boy am i glad i came across this book.  we read one chapter each night at bedtime.  it's been wonderful.  each chapter is leading up to the birth of Jesus.  

here's where i'm going with this post.  last night, the chapter was titled "ten ways to be perfect".  it got my attention fast.  i am a perfectionist.  i try to be perfect in all that i do.  these days, it's bad, with all this energy that i have from losing weight and taking supplements.  i go 90 miles an hour all day long trying to make things perfect.  i went 8 months being pregnant and not doing a single thing, so part of me just feels that i'm making up for that time.  during those months, my house was david's house.  he did all the laundry.  he cleaned.  and now i want my house back.  i want it how i want it.  and i want things to flow perfectly.  so every day i go and go and go, striving for that perfection that i want.  it's obviously my idea of perfection, but it's still perfection.  i want everything to be in its place.  i want the clothes washed and folded properly.  i want the canned goods to be perfect.  i want my children to be perfect.  

with all that being said, understand that i do take time for my kids.  we still sit down for dinner every night and talk about our day.  i still sit down and read books to them.  i take every chance i get to rock jaxton.  i swing mykah on the swingset when she asks.  we play barbies.  so i'm not neglecting my time with them just to get everything else in life in order.  

but, in our story last night it talks about God giving us the 10 commandments that would be guidelines for being perfect.  God knew that when He gave us those commandments that we would not be able to keep them all, perfectly, all the time.  It says "Only one Person could keep all the rules.  And many years later God would send him - to stand in their place and be perfect for them.  Because the rules couldn't save them.  Only God could save them."  i've had this on my mind since reading it.  No matter how perfect I try to be, it doesn't matter to Him.  it matters only to me.  i don't think my husband and children even care if things are in its place.  the perfection is only for myself.  and, since I should be trying to live for God and to have Him be seen through me, the attempt at perfection is meaningless.  all it does is keep order in my home, which is important, but not near as important as keeping Him in my home.  

today, my prayer is that my focus on perfection would shift.  that i wouldn't try to kill myself to keep things perfect.  that i would focus my entire day on Him and making my life pleasing to His eyes.  and that others would see that.  that others would see that i'm not a perfectionist, but that i'm living my life the way God intended. 

. my boy .

i'm pretty sure i'm still in shock that i have a son.  i thought i'd be an all-girl mom for sure.  but God blessed me with a son.  and to see this face looking back at me ...

it overwhelms my heart.  those eyes remind me of the journey we went on this last year.  they tell a story.  one that i'll never forget.  they remind me to trust God.  for trust in Him is the only reason this baby is here with me today.  i don't think about the what if's from that appointment back in february.  i think about how perfect God's timing was.  how perfect the peace was and how abundant the prayers were.  and about how he's mine.  to teach about God.  he'll know about God for sure.  he'll know all about miracles, prayers, blessings, and timing.  and he'll always know how special he is to me and how much i love him.   my son.

. another one .

Why does this thumb sucking thing have to be so darn cute?  Yep, we have another one.  He now gags on the paci and does what he can to get that thumb in his mouth.  What do you do?!?! 

. bumbo magic .

 

now, the boy really isn't big enough just yet for the bumbo and i know there are recalls on it, but i don't plan on leaving him unattended like some parents do.  off that soapbox.  i used the bumbo just like this for both girls and now jaxton gets to enjoy it.  stick the bumbo in the sink and ... VOILA!  mama gets to clean the kitchen just like that.  he loves it.  and i'm so thankful. 

 

. meeting pop .

david's dad has been in the hospital basically since february.  he is currently in the veteran's hospital in waco and we venture that way as much as possible to visit with him.  today was the first time though that jaxton got to meet him.  the first time he laid eyes on his grandson. 

he asks about him all the time and remembers that he was born, but since he has been tested positive for MRSA, we have been unable to bring jaxton to see him.  that all changed today.

his nurses wheeled him down to the bottom floor waiting room.  when his eyes met jaxton, he cried.  we all cried.  i actually don't think i've ever seen him cry before.  they were mixed tears i'm sure.  i know my tears were.  i'm so very happy that he finally got to meet my sweet boy, but my heart hurts that he may never get to know him or see him grow up. 

BUT .. our sweet boy is living proof that God is still in the business of performing miracles, so we pray constantly for Pop.  for healing.  for the drive to do his therapy.  not just so we can have him home, but so his grandchildren can know him more.

. his expressions .

he is probably the most expressive baby i have ever known.  since the day he was born, probably.  he can make some crazy, silly, sweet faces.  these are some just from one photo shoot.  he went from being happy, to sneezing, to sad, happy, wondering, and sad all in a matter of minutes.  seconds probably.  and each face is as cute as can be.

. holiday parade .

it was a busy day!  we had church, then our sunday school lunch, then the holiday parade.  jaxton was pretty much done.  we stayed for probably the first half of the parade, then left.  actually, i think all 3 kids were done, but it was a lot of fun while we were there.

 

and it was hot.  why is it so hot in december?!?  the holiday parade is supposed to consist of blankets, snuggling, and hot chocolate.  not ice water and sweat.  we enjoyed it though!