He delights in every detail

I shared this verse on my business Facebook page on Sunday.  It's a verse that God placed on my heart recently and I didn't understand why He kept bringing it to my attention at first.  Don't you love it when He does that?  I've thought to myself (and Him) countless times - WHY?  Why in the world did you put that on my heart?  What do you want me to learn from this?  What are you trying to tell me?   Sometimes the reasons are quite obvious though.

I struggle greatly with comparison.  I struggle with making decisions.  I struggle with what I want.  What is best.  But it all boils down to comparison.  And we all know that comparison is the thief of joy.  To be truly happy, you can't compare yourself to others.  I know this, but it's something I fight with on a daily basis.

Look at her.  Her skin is amazing.  She has a great body for having 3 (or 8) kids.  Her house is always clean.  I wish I could be her friend.  I like her blog better.  They have so much more money.  Her kids are always dressed cute.  Everyone likes her so much.  I wish I was as crafty as ... I wish I could refinish furniture like ... I wish people knew who I was.  It would be so cool to be a famous blogger.  It would be great to have more than 200 likes on my page.  To be an amazing photographer.  To have 2,000 people in my downline.

In my head, what I have is never good enough.   I'm never as beautiful, wealthy, creative, hip, trendy, funny, social, healthy, smart, and so on.  and so on.  and so on.  For years I've dealt with this.  And I believe so many women do. 

I want to be ME.  I want people to like me for ME.  I want to be original.  Be myself.  Feel comfortable in my own skin.  Be who He created, because He knows every detail.  He planned every detail.  He made me ME. 

It's not about an awesome blog that gets 10,000 hits a day or a Facebook page that has 1,000 likes.  It's not about impressing someone so she'll want to be your friend.  It's not about any of that.  It's about loving me for who I am and not being afraid of showing people ME.  Because God loves me for me.  And that's enough. 

Beach Day

Galveston Beach 2014

Also Jaxton's first beach trip.  He wasn't a fan of the water.

Scripture Reading

Here's some honesty for you.  We haven't been to church in months.  We're in search of a new church home and simply feel lost in a town full of churches.  I know that it starts with a small step.  We just have to decide which church we want to visit first.  I'm not going to go into all the details about why we feel lead to find a new church home.  And I feel ashamed that we've put ourselves into this comfort zone of not going anywhere to worship in months.

I'm so thankful for a God who draws me back to where I need to be though.  He's put it on my heart greatly the last few weeks that I need to refocus.  I need to redirect my thoughts and my life.  I spend so much time on social media because my full-time job (other than taking care of my children) is network marketing.  But I spend all of my time with those 2 jobs and not enough time in His word.  And He's calling me back to Him so strongly.

BUT - I didn't know where to start.  Getting back into the Word is like riding a bike.  You just have to do it.  And then you remember why you loved it before.  I found a calendar from a Christian magazine that gives me a scripture a day to read.  The one on the day I started was Deuteronomy 31:6 and I think it's fitting for our struggles right now.  Not only have we lost a church family, we've lost FAMILY.  We've lost two parents in a matter of seven months, but God is calling me close to Him and telling me not to get so discouraged. 

I've started a prayer journal along with scripture reading and I'm loving it.  I miss writing with a pen and paper.  I miss jotting down my feelings, but I also want to share it with you when I feel lead to do so.  Yesterday, my prayer was this ... 

Dear God, Thank you.  Time and time again you show me that you've got this.  I need to put my full trust in You and be strong in You.  Although I drift, you remain steadfast and constant.  I cannot do this life without you and ask for you to help me stay focused on Your face and to be strong and courageous no matter what.  Thank you for guiding me.  For loving me.  

Some other things I'm praying for -
-for Him to lead us to a new church home
-for guidance in creating a Christ-like home full of prayer, forgiveness, and love
-for Miranda Nichols : a sweet girl who is very sick
-for patience, time, health, smart decisions, and healing

What are you praying for today?

IG Photo Collage 6.6.14

I feel like Instagram has hijacked my blog, so this is an attempt to integrate them.

These pictures have been our week so far!  I feel like they describe our summer to a T.  Lots of chalkboard drawing, Target shopping, bike riding, backyard picnics, climbing on the table, and pretending to be super heroes.  There is definitely never a dull moment around here, but I'm enjoying every minute.  Almost - unless Jaxton is screaming at someone.  The toddler has spoken.

The time has come

I can hardly believe it.  Mykah has graduated preschool and will head to kindergarten in the fall.  Today, I'm ready.  This little diva is quite the entertainer and our life would be boring without her, but she wears me plum out!  It's been a long week because typically I would say that she's my baby girl and I'm so not ready for her to go to school.  Today though - she can go.

I'm about to have two kids in school!  Obviously there's mixed emotions.  I have loved seeing Karsyn grow and blossom the last two years, so I'm so ready to see how Mykah does the same.  Will she love school?  Will she grow 2 inches before 1st grade?  Will she be crazy smart?  Or will she be the one kicking the boys on the playground? 

And just like that, I felt a few more gray hairs sprout up.

Sister Sister

Oh how I love these girls.  I love their friendship.  I love their bond.  Yep, they fight.  They fight quite often.  Everyday, it seems.  But the moments like this when they are together .. not caring if they're touching .. not caring if one is looking at the other wrong .. these moments just make all of the not-so-good moments melt away. 

Having two girls is probably one of my favorite things in the whole world.  I'm so glad God blessed us with two girls close in age.  There's just something about sisters.

(Bitter)Sweet Summertime

It's somewhat of a fresh start for us.  This summer.  You see, last summer was full of trips to and from hospitals across the state.  To nursing homes and rehab facilities.  To inpatient hospice.  Then to a funeral home.  It was completely unexpected and still the shock lingers on in us.  My mother-in-law fell sick with cancer while on vacation with us.  And she never returned home.  It was a summer of heartbreak.  A summer of exhaustion.  Nothing about it was planned and, if we could go back, we'd probably do things different.  If we knew it'd be our last summer with her, that is.  I don't really know what we would have done different.  The summer started immediately with her getting sick while on our vacation.  Then school started back with her funeral.  She never returned home.  She never got to see the kids swim.  She never got to make mud pies with the girls, which they did every summer.  She never got to take them to get sno-cones, which they did every summer.  She never got to help us prepare for first grade.  She never got to prep talk Kid2 into starting preschool.  She never got to help us start planning Kid3's first birthday.  All of these things we thought we'd get to do with her.  They never happened.

And now that this new summer is here, my heart is breaking.  We miss her something terrible.  We're planning our vacation again, which was the very start of our summer last year as well.  She went with us.  And she never came home.  I imagine it'll be a bittersweet trip.  I imagine thoughts of the 2 days she was with us there will flood our minds.

We rejoice, however, that she is strolling the streets of Heaven, completely healed.  And that's what keeps us going.