. our miracle - jaxton's birth story .

here's jaxton's birth story.  beginning to end.  lots of details.  and memories.  it's long, but i wanted to share God's faithfulness, for one, and our blessing.  from the VERY beginning.

most of you may recall that way back, last september, i miscarried.  and we prayed.  you prayed.  then in december, i had a tubal pregnancy that ruptured, requiring emergency surgery to remove the pregnancy and one tube.  and we prayed.  you prayed. 

after a long few months, we found out we were indeed pregnant again.  february 15th to be exact.  that's the day we found out.  our hearts were excited, but our minds were hesitant.  we wondered if this pregnancy would last.  if it would be healthy.  the news came.  the sac was collapsing.  i waited a week to miscarry naturally and it never happened.  the pregnancy symptoms never left.  and we prayed.  you prayed.

that monday, i called my doctor and told him that i would take the pill that would force miscarriage, but i requested one more ultrasound to confirm before we moved forward.  i prepared my heart and my mind.  my exact words to the ultrasound tech were "i'm not planning on seeing anything, but i had to make sure."  her exact words back to me immediately after i saw the little peanut and a little flutter was "there's a baby!  and a heartbeat!"  i saw it.  i saw that little heartbeat with my own eyes.  and i immediately prayed.  she sent me back to the waiting room and rushed off to tell dr. gayle.  "erin's baby has a heartbeat."  he replied "malisa, that's not even funny."  he thought she was joking.  we all saw just the week before that there was nothing there.  between two ultrasounds, the sac was clearly getting smaller and there was nothing inside.  he brought me back into the ultrasound room and performed another ultrasound himself.  there it was.  a little miracle.  a baby that just the week before was not there.  the pregnancy was failing and now there was a healthy heartbeat.  dr. gayle had no words.  he was speechless, which he claimed doesn't happen very often.  i cried and he prayed.  the only explanation he had was "God."  one word.  one Man.  one blessing. 

the pregnancy continued healthy as can be.  i went in weekly.  ultrasound after ultrasound.  dr. gayle and i would just stare in awe of the miracle in front of us on that little screen.  week after week he prayed with me.  week after week the pregnancy continued and the baby grew just as it should. 

in march, i had a gallbladder attack, which would lead to gallbladder surgery in may.  dr. gayle wanted to make sure i was far enough along in the pregnancy to where the baby would go unharmed.  everything went well.  dr. gayle made sure he was there as a colleague of his performed the surgery.  he monitored the baby very closely, prayed again with me, and all went well.  then we found out it was a BOY!  we were beyond excited.  we would have been equally excited for it to be a girl just because we were so thankful that the baby was as healthy as it was.  a boy.  i'm still in shock that God chose to give us a little boy. 

i have to admit that being pregnant is not fun for me.  i do like the look of pregnancy.  the belly.  the attention the belly attracts.  not having to suck in my tummy.  but it makes me not feel well.  makes me tired.  makes my body simply hurt all over.  it was a hard one to get through, but very much worth it.  it was hard on my family.  having two kids at home who still needed me and me just not being able to be the mommy that i wanted to be was so hard.  the remainder of the pregnancy was extra hard.  first of all, it was summer.  the summer heat really isn't fun.  not in texas.  not when you're pregnant.  not at all. 

it was one thing after another.  and just when you thought there could be no more, something else popped up.  dr. gayle's nickname for me quickly became erin "the thrill" hill.  everything that came up were all serious pregnancy concerns.  seemed like everything that could go wrong, did.  and through it all, the baby remained healthy and strong.  and we prayed.  you prayed. 

my hands, feet, and face swelled.  and pretty much remained swollen the last 2 months of the pregnancy.  gestational diabetes came.  i was on a pretty strict diet to control my glucose, in addition to 2 metformin pills daily.  then it was anemia.  i was now on 2 iron supplements daily.  i did test positive for group b strep at some point in there, which would only mean that i'd be on antibiotics while i was in labor to prevent the transfer of infection to the baby.  and i had contractions regularly for several weeks.  not strong.  nothing that i was ever concerned about.  dr. gayle continued to tell me to call him when i had them, but i was determined this time that i was not going to go to the hospital unnecessarily.  when i knew i was in labor, i'd go.

tuesday.  september 18.  that evening i started having contractions.  throughout the pregnancy i had been drinking a good 64-90 ounces of water daily.  it was all i drank.  so when contractions started each time, i would sit down, feet up, with even more water.  i knew i wasn't dehydrated, which can cause lots of people to contract.  these contractions were stronger than they had been before and more frequently.  again, however, i decided to ride them out and not call.  i contracted all night long, but they never really woke me up for too long. 

wednesday.  september 19.  that morning i was continuing to have contractions.  every 4-5 minutes.  lasting about 1-2 minutes long.  and it didn't matter what i did, they didn't stop.  they weren't really hurting, but were definitely stronger than before.  so i decided that i'd actually call dr. gayle.  we took karsyn to school and mykah and i went to my mother-in-law's house to visit.  i had scheduled a cleaning lady to come that day and didn't want to be at home while she was there.  i called dr. gayle and he had me sit down for an hour and time the contractions and then call back.  by 9:00am, the contractions were still about 4-5 minutes apart.  he had me come in to check me and see what was going on.  my blood pressure was high.  in the 150's / 90's high.  he checked me at 1cm and maybe 50% and said that the baby was still up high.  he also tested for protein in my urine which came back at 300 mg.  so, high blood pressure and protein in the urine only meant pre-eclampsia.  his sweet nurse walked me straight down the hall to the hospital to be monitored. 

i couldn't imagine my blood pressure even coming down that day.  my world was just turned upside down.  we hadn't planned for this at all.  i didn't prepare my children for mama being in the hospital that soon and what their lives would look like.  and we prayed. 

that day, i spent being monitored.  they checked my blood pressure every 30 minutes and had tested my protein again.  by that time, my protein had increased.  this only meant an overnight hospital stay and a 24 hour urinalysis to see if the protein count would continue to increase or would decrease while i was on bedrest.  dr. gayle spoke to me about going home to bedrest for the remainder of the pregancy if the protein was under 1g.  he said i would have to be kid-free to keep my blood pressure under control.  how would i do that?  what would our life look like for the next 2 weeks, which was still his goal for the pregnancy.  mykah already wasn't handling mama not being home very well and it was just a day at that point.

thursday.  september 20.  i had told david for about a month now that this would be the day i would deliver.  i don't know why, but that date was stuck in my head.  after 24 hours were up, at about 3:00 pm, dr. gayle walked in.  "we're having a baby."  the protein count went up to 7g, which was MUCH higher than it was supposed to be.  i was now considered pre-eclamptic.  within 10 minutes, i was laying in labor and delivery room 4.  within an hour, dr. gayle had been in, checked me, and put a cervadil tablet at my cervix.  i was still about at 1cm and maybe 70% effaced at this time.  although labor was imminent, he wanted me to labor slowly.  he claimed that this would allow the baby's lungs to get stronger.  that was at about 4:00pm.  dr. gayle ordered strict bed rest.  only to get up to go to the bathroom.  no lights.  no tv.  no phone.  at about 4:30, the contractions were obviously stronger.  i felt them pretty good.  they weren't unbearable at this point, but definitely different.  definitely labor contractions.  the cervadil was working.  i took ambien and tried to get some sleep as i was very unsure of what was to come.  dr. gayle thought i'd labor until at least noon the next day.  i was certain that once pitocin was started, that i'd go faster.  at 11:00pm, the nurse came in and said that dr. gayle called and said to go ahead and start pitocin.  my blood pressure was unstable still and he was ready to get the ball rolling.  the only way for me to keep my blood pressure lower was to lay on my left side, which i tried to do the majority of the time i slept.  the bed was highly uncomfortable though!

at midnight, the nurse came in and checked me.  i was now at 3cm.  i ordered the epidural.  i needed rest.  and the contractions were pretty strong at that point.  if i had the epidural at that time, i'd be able to get the rest i needed to continue labor until noon.  got the epidural.  got more ambien.  and slept like a baby.

friday.  september 21.  little did i know what would happen that day.  or how quickly.  i woke up at 5:00am.  the nurse came and checked my vitals and had me lay on my left side again.  i was starting to be able to feel my feet and legs at this point, so i pushed the little button for more of the epidural medicine.  i did not want to feel anything!  at 6:30am, dr. gayle wanted me to sit straight up in bed with my legs hanging down to help move the baby down into position.  not too long after i sat up, i felt a pop.  the nurse thought the baby kicked because we heard it on the monitor, but i knew it was different.  i felt it.  she laid me back down and i immediately knew that my water had broke.  dr. gayle came in at 6:50am.  he checked me and i was at 5cm.  then it seemed like he just wanted to hang out and see how things were going.  he sat down, watched a little morning news, chit chatted.  he still thought i'd labor longer.  luckily, he had a c-section scheduled at 7:30am so he was still in the hallway when the next set of events would occur.

i laid on my left side again.  and then i felt the pressure.  oh, the pressure!  i was out of doses of drugs to put into my epidural, so they called the anestesiologist to come give me more.  and it was too late.  i rolled back over to my back and the pressure was even greater.  the nurse came over, checked me.  it had only been 10 minutes since she last checked me at this point.  i was at a 10.  in 10 minutes.  and i had to push.  people rushed in.  dr. gayle rushed in.  i had 2 contractions.  2 pushes.  and at 7:02am he was here.  and i felt every bit of it.  in the moment, it was the worst pain i have ever felt.  then it was over.  once i saw him and knew that he was perfect, there was that fleeting moment when the world stops.  i got a quick look, the umbilical cord was clipped, dr. gayle spanked his little bottom to get him crying, then he was taken to the warmer to be stimulated even more.  he didn't want to cry!  those first cries were like music to my ears though.  he was doing so good.  breathing great.

he was able to stay with us long enough to meet his big sisters, grandparents, and aunt mae mae.  the girls were in love.  i have never seen anything sweeter.  by 7:55am, everyone was gone.  my sweet baby was taken to the nursery to be evaluated and my family left.  david and i just sat there.  staring.  "what just happened?"  were the words that came out of my mouth.  it all happened so extremely fast!!

jaxton parker hill.   he was here.  we were so ready.  and now i wasn't so sure.  he was so tiny.  6 pounds.  5 ounces.  and 18 3/4 inches long.  the neonatologist checked him over and over and over and over again.  she came to us three times within those next three days and was just in awe of how perfect he was.  just a little 35 weeker.  healthier than some of the babies in the nursery who were 37 and 38 weeks.  she expected breathing issues.  she expected hip issues.  she expected something.  but he was perfect.  i was in the hospital from wednesday, september 19 through sunday, september 23.  it was a long hospital stay and we were more than ready to be home.

i've spent several days now crying at that perfection that God gave us.  but during the wee hours of the morning sometime this past week, i realized this ....

september 21, 2011 - we miscarried.  we were devastated, but didn't know the journey we'd be on.
september 21, 2012 - we gave birth to the most amazing, perfect little boy.

God's timing is perfect.  His faithfulness is so good.  i've spent most of my days this past week in tears just thinking about it.  the journey that got us to where we are today may have been rough.  there were days where i didn't know how we'd even make it.  but God knew.  He knew the outcome.  and His plan was perfect.  just like my little man.

. almost 24 week update .

i REALLY miss blogging regularly.  i do.  and i've missed several weeks of pregnancy updates, so i'll do that first and see where it leads me.

that's the belly just a few days shy of 24 weeks.  it's definitely growing.  and i'm feeling every bit of it.  the belly makes it quite difficult to get up off the couch or to roll over in bed at night.  but i'm LOVING it. 

this time, instead of the usual update, i'm just going to bullet point things i want to remember about this time in my pregnancy.

*i finally gained weight.  at my last appointment i was finally +1 pound from my original start weight.  i lost weight at first, so i'm just now gaining.

*i'm finally feeling decent.  i am still exhausted all the time, but i'm not nauseated anymore and my tummy seems to be doing great after my gall bladder surgery.  it took me a few weeks to recover from that.

*i'm eating semi-healthy and drinking tons of water.  i'm trying to get my diet right to where i'll hopefully get some energy back.  and i'll start really paying attention to my diet soon when i start monitoring my blood for gestational diabetes.  my doctor and i decided that since i had it with my last pregnancy, we'll just assume i have it again.  that just means i'll have to check my blood twice a day and following a certain diet and exercise plan.

*baby boy is kicking away!  just this past week we are able to see him move externally.  david and karsyn have both felt him and have seen him.  and he moves all the time!

*karsyn has been amazing.  i tell her every week what he's doing now and how big he is and she constantly talks to him and rubs my belly.  it's the sweetest thing.

*we started working on his nursery.  the walls are painted.  furniture in place.  and we're starting to buy things slowly.  and the BFF volunteered to make a few things for him too.  i cannot wait to see it all finished!

*my hands and feet are swelling a little, probably because of the wonderful texas heat. 

*i've had to tell several strangers that i actually do have double digit weeks left to go.  they don't seem to believe me. 

*my belly button is out now.

. naming thing 3 .

baby names are hard!  with our firstborn, we decided on a name when we found out she was a girl.  the trick was, no one would know the name until the day she was born.  we did share her initials and let people guess, but i don't think anyone guessed it anyway.  karsyn layne she was.

with mykah.  we found out she was a girl.  several weeks later we found her name.  there was a little more debating with this one.  it had to "go with" karsyn.  we couldn't have a karsyn and sarah.  the type of names those are just don't work together.  and you know i'm all about things matching!  and we decided this time we didn't care what people thought of her name, so we shared.  mykah reese she was. 

thing 3 comes along.  it was hard to pick!  but once we saw his name, we knew.  and we shared.  so ...

JAXTON PARKER he is.  and we can't love him any more.

. 18 week update .

what a whirlwind the past two weeks have been.  may 18th i had gallbladder surgery.  i had to be at the hospital at 6:45am for surgery that would start at 8:00am.  dr. gayle was with me the entire time, which is probably the only reason i was comfortable with the surgery.  i don't recall how long the surgery lasted or what time i was wheeled up to the OB floor.  heck, i don't even remember being wheeled to the OB floor.  i was monitored in labor & delivery the rest of the day and went home around 6:30 that evening.  thankfully, baby boy did amazing and stayed strong throughout the entire day. 

fastfoward to today.  today is the first day since then that i have felt decent.  i have moments each day, but i haven't had a whole day.  and i'm enjoying it.  other than having to make some dietary changes and drink extra water, i've done great. 

here we go for our 18 week update ...

there's my boy!!  he made it quite obvious, although he was actually asleep during this ultrasound.  he's measuring a few days ahead of schedule too.  this was technically 17w4d.

how far along?:  19 weeks 1 day today.  i know, i'm behind.

gender?:  definitely a boy!  i'll have a separate post about his name soon.

total weight gain/loss:  still at -10 lbs.  my appetite is just now returning after surgery, so maybe there will be a weight gain soon.  honestly, i'm ok with the lack of those 10 lbs.

maternity clothes?:  definitely.  the pants for sure.  and since i wear tshirts most days, i'm still wearing those as well. 

best moment this week: we started on the nursery!  so far, his room has been our "junk room".  we've had no use for it, no plans for it, so why not throw all of our crap in it?!  we all have one of those.  you know it.  but my amazing husband who has way more energy than i do these days, cleared things out.  we want it to be bare so we can paint it this summer.

miss anything?:  the usual .. energy, being the passenger in the car.  today i miss caffeine a little.

movement:  the boy moves!  i always doubt what i feel to be kicks, but it's pretty obvious when he's doing karate in there.  and david actually felt him once.  it seems as though he moves really early in the mornings.  like 4am!

food cravings?:  i'm just now getting my appetite back, but ICEE's have been on my radar a lot lately.  poor david.  the ladies at the convenience store know him well.

anything make you queasy or sick?:  right now it's hard to tell what's pregnancy related and what's lack-of-gallbladder related.  so yes.  i'm queasy still and i still throw up occassionally.

have you started to show yet?:  this question may come off the list next time.  seriously.  i'm 19 weeks pregnant.  yes, i'm showing.  i was showing at 7 weeks!

labor signs?:  nope.  thank goodness.

belly button in or out:  it's at the surface for sure.  :)
wedding rings on or off:  still on.  most days.  if i've had too much salt, they don't go on.
symptoms:  no energy.  occassional nausea.  still barfing here and there.  swollen feet by 7pm.  good things ... my nails are amazing and my hair is growing long!
happy or moody most of the time:  right now?  happy.  :)
looking forward to: working on the nursery.
dreading anything?:  the hot days of summer!!!!!!  give me a pool and an icee, please!

. 16 week update .

How far along? 16 weeks ... maybe i'll get a picture sometime this week!
Gender?   BOY!  i'm still in shock.

Total weight gain/loss: lost 10 lbs

Maternity clothes?  finally broke down and bought a pair of maternity jeans.

Best moment this week:  buying baby stuff!  by the time he arrives, it will be close to 4 years since we've had a baby around.  we have to buy everything!!!

Miss anything:  having energy to do anything.  we went to the mall yesterday and i barely made it through.  i came home and took a nap!  i also miss being the passenger in th car.  if i ride, i get car sick.  if i drive, i'm fine.  how weird is that?!?

Movement:  i think i felt him move yesterday.  i'm not 100% certain, but i think it was him.

Food cravings:  coke ICEE's.  all the time.
Anything making you queasy or sick: smells.  most smells. 

Have you started to show yet: yes, but i think i've stayed the same for several weeks now.  i should be growing some soon.  i've had some round ligament pains, which means i'm stretching out!

Labor Signs: no.

Belly Button in or out?  actually, when i stand up, it's in.  when i lay down, it's out.  freaks me out!

Wedding rings on or off?  some days i can wear them, some days i can't.

Symptoms:   still taking zofran 4 times a day.  now that i have it in my system good, i feel pretty good for the most part.  but if i go longer than 4 hours, i get sick.  and i'm still very tired.

Happy or Moody most of the time: happy, i'd say! 

Looking forward to:  working on the nursery.  we're going to wait until june, but i've already been looking at ideas.

Dreading anything?:   gall bladder surgery is next week!

. it's a ...

so, yesterday, thursday, i had a 14 week check-up.  we kind of wanted to see if we could peek at the baby's parts, but didn't think my doctor would share the gender.  i felt pretty confident that i could guess correctly if given an accurate shot of them.  i've looked at enough pictures to know. 

my appointment was at 2:15, but my doctor had an emergency surgery to dart off to, so we waited for a LONG time for him to come in.  he said he almost cancelled the entire afternoon b/c of the surgery, but knew i was there and he wanted to take a peek at our miracle baby as well. 

of course we looked at all the important things first.  the baby's brain is perfect.  it's heart was pumping.  it's arms and legs were moving all around and you could see bones throughout the body.  it's so amazing!  i still can't fathom how God creates babies like this. 

then, my doctor got giddy.  i think he was more excited than we were to find out what it was.  he did do the ultrasound on my tummy first, but decided that we could get a better look if we did it internally.  he did explain that he usually waits until 18 weeks to tell, but that his new ultrasound machine was so good, that it makes it too easy to tell sooner.  some machines don't get accurate pictures.  this one is new and improved apparently. 

it took a little while.  the baby was moving all around.  and then there it was....

IT'S A BOY!!!! 

my doctor and my husband may have fist bumped over the top of me.  they were like two kids in a candy store.  my doctor did say he would tell me that he was "80% sure" but that he had to say that since it was still early.  he also said "it's hanging down to his knees" and "if it comes out a girl, we've got serious problems anyway."  our boy was proud and made it very clear who he was.  and daddy was proud.

the girls reaction was interesting.  we had not planned on finding out yesterday.  the plan was when i was 18 weeks, we'd take them with us to find out.  but we sat them down and told them that the doctor told us it was a baby brother and that they'd get to go with us to our next appointment to see him.  we took video of their reaction.  it was hysterical!!  karsyn was excited.  she said "i knew it was a boy."  mykah was just the opposite.  she yelled "NO.  IT'S ONLY A GIRL!"  over and over and over, as she hit me in the arm.  she then walked away and didn't talk to me for a while.  she finally came around to the idea, but i'm not convinced that she's accepting it well.  she wanted a sister!!

so.  there's our news.  it's been so fun to tell everyone!  and now the shopping can begin!  we'll probably wait until my ultrasound when i'm 18 weeks or so before we go overboard, just to make sure.  and lots of people are asking about names.  we might have a list.  i'm not sure.  it's all happened so fast.  we have thought about names, but nothing has struck us just yet.  plus, we're known for not telling until the baby is born.  we shall see!

. 14 week update .

How far along?  14 weeks
Gender?  BOY!!!  i'll post that story and picture today too!

Total weight gain/loss: lost 9 lbs

Maternity clothes?   finally broke down and bought a pair of maternity pants.  they're just more comfortable than wearing the belly band.

Best moment this week:  finding out the gender!!!  it wasn't planned, it just happened.

Miss anything:   being able to drink anything.  i sip on either water or barely-sweet tea (this week) all day long, but to just gulp down a big drink is something i actually miss.  and coke icees.  baby likes no soda! 

Movement:  i've felt a few flutters, but i'm not convinced yet that it is the baby i'm feeling

Food cravings:  fresh, ice-cold fruit.  mainly cutie oranges this week.  and salty stuff. 
Anything making you queasy or sick:  today ... the thought of smelling chicken.

Have you started to show yet:   definitely.

Labor Signs: no.

Belly Button in or out? it's still in, but it seems to be surfacing quickly this time.

Wedding rings on or off? so far, they're still on.

Symptoms:  as long as i take zofran (4 times a day) i'm WONDERFUL!  i've had several good days this week, but today i'm out of zofran and feeling queasy.  my dr is working with my insurance this morning to get me more meds!

Happy or Moody most of the time:  happy, i'd say! 

Looking forward to:   buying all things BOY!!!

Dreading anything?:   still dreading my gall bladder surgery, which is now officially scheduled for may 18th.  i definitely feel like it's the right decision for me, but it's still stressful.

. 12 week update .

I decided to skip the picture this week for a few reasons.  First, I look and feel yucky.  Second, I think my belly looks the same.

How far along?  12 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: lost 8 lbs

Maternity clothes?   still wearing the belly band, however, i lost weight, so my jeans are so loose now and i have a hard time keeping them in place.

Best moment this week:  eating a real meal.  not only have i been nauseated, but being on a no-fat diet has been horrible.  last night, i strayed from that and had a steak and it was absolutely delicious.  and it stayed down!!  that's extra points!

Miss anything:   having any kind of energy.  i haven't cleaned in quite a while now.  i haven't done much laundry.  i don't do much of anything.  movement sends me straight to the bathroom, so staying still is best. 
 

Movement: not yet. it's still pretty early to feel anything i think.

Food cravings:  being on a no-fat diet had me craving everything i couldn't have.  yesterday i craved steak and had to give in.  i think i wanted something that would just fill me up! 

Anything making you queasy or sick:   smells still.  and i can't walk into my kitchen AT ALL without gagging.  it's a little ridiculous now.  bending over does me in too.

Have you started to show yet: yes.  i don't think i've grown any since my last update, but it's still very obvious that i'm pregnant.

Labor Signs: no.

Belly Button in or out? it's still in, but it seems to be surfacing quickly this time.

Wedding rings on or off? so far, they're still on. 

Symptoms:  still very naustead.  i was able to stop taking progesterone this week, which i thought would ease the nausea a little, but it didn't. 

Happy or Moody most of the time:  both still.  pray for my husband!

Looking forward to:  working on the nursery!  we'll do that this summer, once we know if it's a boy or a girl.  i'm really just ready to have it all in place.  everything ready.  and to hold this sweet baby already.  then i remind myself that i still have 6 months to go!!!

Dreading anything?:   gall bladder surgery.  i know it needs to happen, but surgery while you're pregnant just doesn't sound fun to me.  i'm still confident in my decision though, so surgery will take place on may 18th.  i also had to tell all of my daycare parents that i will no longer be keeping kids after my surgery.  it's bittersweet.  i'm definitely going to LOVE my time with only my children, but i'll certainly miss my daycare kids. 

. 10 week update .

i definitely need to work on the set up of this photo shoot.  i plan on doing it probably every 2 weeks and i'm not fond of this spot in my house to hang the chalkboard.  my tummy definitely looks smaller today than it did a few days ago.  probably because i've been throwing up so much lately.  at my appointment yesterday, i had lost 5 lbs since last week.  this picture was taken at the end of a very long day.  i didn't even fix my hair before we took the picture.

How far along?  10 weeks.  due october 25.  it changed to the 22nd now.

Total weight gain/loss:  lost 8 lbs

Maternity clothes?  I'm rocking a belly band with my jeans only b/c my jeans won't button.  Other than that, I'm wearing all my regular clothes.  Who am I kidding?  T-shirts and pajama pants will fit for a while and that's what I live in.

  
Best moment this week:  telling the girls that they will be big sisters.  their reactions have been priceless.  karsyn is super excited and just talks about all the things she'll be able to do with the baby.  she'll be my big helper.  mykah has surprised us.  she constantly wants to pat my tummy and lay down by the baby.  she's been so sweet.  another high moment was sharing the news with everyone.  it's been a hard secret to keep!

Miss anything:  i miss my morning caffeine.  i was pretty addicted to soda and that's all i want right now, but carbonated beverages just don't sit well with my tummy.  i think the hardest part of this whole experience so far is taking care of 6 children throughout the day.  (i have a daycare in my home).  IT'S HARD!  and by 5:00 i'm so worn out. 

  

Movement:  not yet.  it's still pretty early to feel anything i think.

Food cravings:  i definitely have more aversions than cravings right now as my all-day sickness is pretty crazy.  i did, however, send david to the store one day for olives, sweet pickles, & strawberry ice cream.  yesterday he had to go buy those mustard pretzels and cheesecake.  so random.  the things i want to eat seem to change daily and i'm not able to eat a whole lot.  i pretty much snack all day long.

Anything making you queasy or sick:  smells.  i can't cook anything.  not even chicken nuggets in the microwave.  it all sends me running to the bathroom.  and bending over.  when i bend over to unload the dishwasher, i can pretty much guarantee that i'll be throwing up.

Have you started to show yet:  yes.  and you'd think i was 6 months pregnant already or that there were twins in there.  i'm chalking it up to the fact that i already had a belly and now i can't suck it in.

Gender:  we don't know yet, but we will find out.  probably closer to june.  david and i both want a boy and we both think it's a boy, but the girls both say it's a sister. 

Labor Signs:  no.

Belly Button in or out?  it's still in, but it seems to be surfacing quickly this time.

Wedding rings on or off?  so far, they're still on.  i've had days where i couldn't put them on, but they are few and far between.  i tend to retain lots of fluid when i'm pregnant. 

Symptoms:  VERY tired.  VERY nauseated.  i must say that things are much different this time than they were when i was pregnant with my girls.  i don't throw up all the time.  usually once a day, in the evenings.  with the girls, i threw up all day long.  but the nausea doesn't leave.  and it all gets worse in the evenings.  i pretty much stay on the couch all evening long and fall asleep around 8 or 9 without fail.  poor david has to wake me up, give me my evening meds, and send me to bed.

Happy or Moody most of the time:  happy and moody.  my poor husband would probably say moody.  isn't everyone who doesn't feel well?  i think being nauseated is the worst feeling in the world.  but i am so very happy to have a bun in the oven.

Looking forward to:  finding out the gender.  i'm a planner.  i gotta know!  and i'm hoping by that time i won't be so sick all the time.  my doctor said at my appointment today that we'd be able to find out rather quickly. 

Dreading anything?:  not yet.  it's all still so fresh and new.  labor & delivery doesn't bother me at all.  i actually like the whole experience.  i am already preparing myself, however, for very little sleep and taking care of my other 2 children.

. a true miracle .

i've been so excited to share my story, but it had to be the right time.  i had to get through the first weeks of it all to make sure i was in the clear to share the news.  so, here goes ... (it may be long, but i wanted to be able to look back and remember it all)

if you remember back in mid-january, i went to the hospital to have an HSG test done.  it was done in radiology and only took about 30 minutes for the actual test, but they shot dye into my uterus and fallopian tubes to #1 make sure the right tube really was gone.  #2 to make sure my uterus was ok and had no problems.  #3 to make sure the remaining tube was still functioning properly.  all went well and i was on my way.  my doctor did explain that sometimes this test makes a woman more fertile because it cleans everything out.  boy was he right! 

just a few weeks later, on february 15th, we found out that we were pregnant.  we weren't quick to get excited this time as it would count our 3rd miscarriage in a row if things weren't right.  but we were a little excited that it happened so fast and that we wouldn't have to wait any longer to find out that we'd be adding a 3rd little one to our family.

i had already been taking 3mg folic acid, 1 baby aspirin, and a prenatal vitamin each day.  now i was back on 200mg prometrium (a progesterone supplement) twice daily.  and my levels were increasing like they should be.  things were looking good.

thursday, february 23 was the first ultrasound.  at 5 weeks 3 days, there was a gestational sac, a yolk sac, and a fetal pole, but the baby wasn't visible at this point.  he said things looked good.  there was a pocket of blood next to the sac, but he said that this was normal and it looked okay.  we were happy.  hesitant again to get too excited.

monday, february 27 was the second ultrasound.  i was so nervous.  the ultrasound tech came in and started the ultrasound.  she said that there wasn't anything there and went to get the doctor.  as soon as he walked in, i started crying.  i knew that we had miscarried again.  i couldn't talk.  he kept asking me if i was feeling okay, and i couldn't respond.  he finished the ultrasound and i met him in his office.  the rest of it was kind of a blurr.  i cried the entire time i was in his office.  wondering why we were having to go through this again.  i couldn't answer any of his questions.  and he respected that.  i did tell him that i didn't want to do a D&C and that i'd prefer to just let the miscarriage happen naturally.  he mentioned a pill that i could take if i wanted to, but to wait a week and see if it happens on its own.  he walked me out the back door and that was it.  i cried off and on the rest of the day and told my family and a few friends.  it seemed to get harder and harder.  he did tell me to stop taking all medicine that day, so i complied with those orders.  my doctor did tell me later that when i left his office that day, he felt sick the rest of the day.  he immediately prayed for me and had other people pray for me as well.  what a blessing that is to know.

the rest of the week i was still feeling pregnant, despite being on all the hormone medicine.  i was very nauseated.  very very tired.  and i prayed.  i was in constant prayer all week.  i remember praying for God to take it all in His hands.  this whole thing was His.  and i felt a great peace about it.  i stopped worrying.  i stopped stressing and wondering.  i prayed.  anytime i even felt like i was going to get anxious, i prayed.  i have never prayed so hard before, but i really wanted to give God full control.  i've said that before about several things, but have never really given Him full control.  i've never really trusted Him 100% like i should.  there has always been a small amount of control that i keep to myself.  not this time.  it was all God's.  and i was peaceful.  and pregnant.

monday, march 5 i was still feeling pregnant.  i called and spoke with the nurse and told her that i still had not yet had any signs of miscarriage and that i would take the pill.  at this point, i wanted it to all be over with.  i was done feeling pregnant if i really wasn't.  i did, however, request an ultrasound before i did anything further.  i was able to go in at 1:30 that day, which was a blessing.  the ultrasound tech walked in as i was praying and i immediately said "now, i'm not expecting to see anything new, but i had to make sure before i went any further."  she totally understood and started the ultrasound.

i immediately knew.  there was a baby!!  the sac looked perfect.  and there it was.  a little flicker.  the baby had a heartbeat and all was well.  she looked at me and smiled.  she said that the doctor would want to see me for sure.  she told me that she went to him while he was with another patient and said "dr. gayle, erin's baby has a heartbeat!"  and he replied "malisa, that's not even funny.  that's not a good joke."  he came right away and did another ultrasound to see for himself. 

he was pretty quiet.  he was so unsure about what had happend and fumbled his words for a medical explanation and continued to come up with nothing.  the ultrasound the week before showed that the sac was getting smaller.  the yolk sac and fetal pole were gone.  so for everything to be there this week, plus a baby and a heartbeat was a true miracle. 

the blessing for me was that he was quick to point out that it was all God.  he explained that there are miracles that we pray for, for instance when a loved one is on the operating table and dying, and we pray that they live.  it'd be a miracle that they live.  this is a different miracle.  it's a HUGE miracle.  and there's no explanation other than God.  it's something that, medically, should not have happened, but God allowed it.  i honestly can't say that i was excited.  more like in shock.  very very happy, but in shock.  and, as my doctor explained, there was just a peace about it all.  we were all in this strange, but completely happy peace.  we're happy.  we're ecstatic.  we're blessed.  we're so very thankful.  but we're peaceful about it all. 

my doctor asked when i wanted to look again at the baby and i really had no response.  i'd see it again that same day if i could, but i assumed protocol would be another week or two.  he decided that he couldn't wait a whole week, so that friday i'd be back.

friday, march 9 i was there at 8am sharp.  the very first patient.  ultrasound showed ..
a healthy baby!  a strong heartbeat.  the arm and leg buds are forming.  and all looked great.  my doctor kept saying "wow.  wow."  the nurses are in shock as well.  it's so amazing to be IN a miracle.  to BE a miracle.  and for them to witness a true miracle.  it's been wonderful for all of us to experience.  again, he can't wait to look again as he said "this is a real miracle baby.  i want to look at it as many times and for however long i can!"  so, back i went back in just 4 short days.

as of today, i've had 6 ultrasounds done.  he's just checking to make sure all is growing well.  and it is.  the heartbeat has been a strong 159-169bpm.  the arms and legs, fingers and toes are forming perfectly.  and everything is right on track for it's age. 

it's been so hard to keep this a secret.  not only because we are excited to be having another baby, but to share the news that God does still give us miracles.  He does move mountains.  He does listen and answer prayers.  i've wanted to shout from the rooftops how awesome my God is, so keeping that a secret was hard.  this baby is a true miracle.  and i'll share that story for the rest of my life.

[ january 29th ]

today was my official due date.

and thank you, Lord, that my sweet baby decided to come 3 weeks earlier.  i cannot imagine still being pregnant today.  holy cow.

just to think that 3 weeks ago, i could only see the top of my belly when i looked down.  there were no feet that could be seen.  today though, here's what i see.  so much better than a big ole' belly.

 

she is such a good baby.  she loves to be in this sling, which gives me two hands to do other things.  she's content to just sit in her swing or her bouncy seat as well.  just what i wanted!

and, she looks nothing like karsyn did when she was a baby.  i'll have to get out comparison photos, but here's a quick one of mykah today. 

lovin' my babies.  they both rock my world.

[ no pics. no baby. no problem. we have friends. ]

what a whirlwind these past few weeks have been.  christmas came and went so fast.  it's almost surreal.  it doesn't seem like that time of year.  not only because of the weather either.  i guess it's because of my pregnancy.  i just didn't get into the season this time around. 

the day after christmas, our favorite friends from oklahoma came to visit.  they went with us to pick up our new-to-us car the day after they arrived and spent the whole next week with us as well.  all i can say is ...

so.  much.  fun.

they have a 15 month old son who is absolutely adorable.  him and karsyn played so well together.  like a brother and sister would.  almost.  they enjoyed throwing blocks at each other and playing with karsyn's kitchen.  it was so neat to see them interact. 

their visit went by too quickly and i kind of ruined the moment for us by going to the hospital.  after a busy, fun weekend, i spent monday, tuesday, and wednesday in the hospital with preterm labor.  really thought i was going to be not-pregnant after that.  didn't happen.  i ended up on bedrest for the remainder of their visit, only to be back in the hospital the day after they left.  not to have a baby again. 

other than the hospital stay, we had tons of fun.  visiting.  while i was in the recliner.  jasey is super organized and a go-getter, so my whole house was organized when she left.  she finished up what i hadn't got to in mykah's room.  rearranged and organized karsyn's room.  and tons more. 

james.  what a guy.  the first day i was in the hospital he stayed home with both kids.  amazing.  he did such a great job and was probably not thanked quite enough.  his brain was probably fried.  his body tired.  but he did it.  and didn't complain. 

so although i took no pictures that week.  had no baby that week.  we have friends that rock our world!

[ i resolve ... ]

to be 30 pounds lighter in the next few weeks.  if only mykah would cooperate.

[ updated updates ]

**update.  jan. 6th.  i had my doctor's appointment at 2:45 today.  i'm dialated to 2 now and thinned out even more.  he's not going to try to stop labor now that i'm close to 37 weeks.  which means, NO MORE BEDREST!  although my body only allows me to do so much still.  i go back to see him friday morning to do an ultrasound and to check me again.  i have to monitor my contractions though and when i start having 12-15 an hour, i go to the hospital.  he bet his paycheck that i'd have her before next tuesday, so we're holding him to that.  the plan is to eat some mexican food and walk the mall for a little while tonight.  tomorrow, i plan on cleaning.  we'll see what happens.  maybe tomorrow i'll actually update my blog with birthday, christmas, and new years stuff. 

**update.  jan. 2nd.  i woke up this morning having contractions every 4 minutes.  pretty painful ones at that.  i waited 3 hours.  still contracting.  called labor and delivery b/c my doctor is out of town today.  lucky me.  they said to come in.  checked me.  put me on iv and pain meds and let me take a nap.  checked me again.  no change.  go home and continue to rest.  i'm not going back there until my water breaks!  so i'm home again.  still contracting.  in pain.  but we're alive and well.

i am only 36 weeks, so there is still time for the baby to cook, but the doc said i won't make it another 7 days, if that.  they gave me steroid shots in my back-side to help the baby's lungs. 

this last week and a half have been quite interesting around here and i have lots of blogs to post, but until then ... i went to the hospital monday with contractions and back pain.  turns out, we almost had a baby!  i had a bad bladder infection.  so 3 days of hospital, i'm home this morning. 

still having contractions, but not progressing much as of yet.  i'm at 1+cm and 50%.  so we're waiting.  most likely, i'll have a baby in the next 7 days.  we'll keep you posted.

[ 34 weeks? ]

see the little floating baby on the side again?  today it reads 34 weeks.  today my belly measured 37 weeks and the doctor uttered those sweet words.  "you will not make it to your due date!"

hallelujah!  praise the Lord!

he did say that she's a big baby and we're on close monitoring at this point.  my iron level was "borderline transfusion" low.  8.9 if that means anything to you.  so more "diet" talk was in store.  how much more can i "watch my diet" and how many more words can i put "quotations" around in this post?

anyways.  we're watching these small contractions i'm having and doing lots of resting.  good news is that i can travel for christmas.  off to san antonio we will go. 

i cannot count on one hand the number of women i saw today that just knew i was due any day.  you should see the shock on their faces when i tell them that i'm not actually due until january 29th.  oh the looks on their faces.  even the ones that just knew i'm having twins.  i don't think i'm THAT big, but i assure you i look that tired.  miserable is a better word for it i think.                 

so stay on your toes folks.  we could have a new year's baby, but i'm betting on the first week of january.  i'd be fine with tomorrow though.  my legs are shaved and my toes are painted fresh.

[ 32 weeks and counting ]

as my little ticker says off to the right of the page, i'm 32 weeks today.

how do i feel though?  like i've been pregnant for a lifetime and this growth inside of me is going to be a permanent fixture if it stays much longer.  if you've been pregnant, you know how i feel.  there comes a point when you just throw up your hands and shout "i'm done!"  i proclaimed my feelings about my pregnancy to the doctor this morning and he laughed.  typical man. 

32 weeks.  low iron.  only gained ONE pound in the last 2 weeks.  i've only gained 19 pounds total so far.  and i return to see that lovely man again in 2 weeks.  and I'M DONE.  i'm tired.  my body hurts.  and chasing a 2 year old is NOT fun anymore. 

"but it's all worth it in the end"

that's my pregnancy complaining for today.  thank you.

( waiting room lessons )

wednesday i had my three hour glucose test.  i  F.A.I.L.E.D  miserably.  so i have gestational diabetes.  i've been bummed since then because i didn't want to have to think about what i was eating at all.  that's not supposed to happen until AFTER baby is born, right?  and exercise too?  i thought my daily chasing-karsyn-picking-up-constantly was enough exercise.  now i have to fit in a 30 minute walk each day.  (note: yesterday that walk was through the isles of target ... today it will be INSIDE on my treadmill because it's too stinkin' cold out there). 

so those THREE hours sitting in the waiting room were quite interesting.  other than wanting to eat my own arm from fasting since 8pm the night before, i was able to sit and listen to people.  yes, i was nosey, but they were talking quite loud.  and i'm a people watcher, so it was right up my alley anyways.

the one i found most interesting (other than the 60-something year old man and 20-something year old girl who were having a baby) was two elderly sisters that came in together.  i left there feeling like i knew them all my life.  like they were next of kin.  and they talked to anyone and everyone that sat around them.  i quietly giggled everytime someone new came in and sat in the seats by them because i knew they were going to get an ear-ful.  but it was such sweet conversation.  these two sisters are just two of 15 children in their family.  only 8 of them still live today, but they were so blessed by such a big family they say.  and they went on to have big families of their own.  one of them had 5 children.  named donnie, lonnie, ronnie, jonnie, and one girl named connie.  isn't that silly?  i laughed as she told that story two or three times and she said their names so fast it was like a tongue twister almost.  and she had absolutely no reason for naming them that way except that she liked it.

and the stories they got from others was just as interesting.  there was a man and woman coming to find out the sex of their baby.  their third baby, that is.  their third baby BOY.  we all got to celebrate with them as they just beemed.  those two elderly sisters acted as if it was going to be their next grandchild.  there was hugs flying.  congrats being thrown everywhere. 

the next couple brought their 4 year old daughter with them.  they were expecting their 4th.  another girl.  that little girl talked to the sisters like she knew them all her life, but she told stories of her daddy taking her on boat rides and how much fun they have together.  i just smiled.  i hope karsyn is able to tell stories like that someday.  her words of her daddy were so sweetly spoken.

i left there at noon that day, not only starving, but enlightened almost.  those sisters had such kind words for everyone that crossed their path and i learned a lifetime of tales that they had experienced.  oh, what you can learn in a waiting room ...

( watching my sugar **updated )

**UPDATE:  my doctor's appointment went ... not so well.  my sugar was up to 199.  evidently it's supposed to be around 140.  i'm also measuring 34 weeks instead of the 29 that i am.  that's a whole month ahead of schedule.  WHAT?!?!  i have to really, really, really watch my sugar intake and exercise every day.  i go back next wednesday for the three hour test and to re-evaluate things.  pray for baby and that she stays put for several more weeks and that i can gain control of my sugar levels.  guess i'll have to bypass that cupcake afterall.

watching it go right into my mouth, that is.

i'm 28 weeks now and with that appointment is the dreaded glucose test.  i failed the first one with karsyn and had to take the looooooong three hour test.  luckily i passed that one, but to prepare this time, my doctor told me to start watching my sugars.  actually, his exact words were "cut the sugars out completely in order to prevent failing the first test". 

so tell me, how do i CUT the sugars if i CRAVE the sugars?  i haven't done well watching my sugars to prepare for my appointment tomorrow morning.  yes ... TOMORROW!  these past few days i've been more careful, but let me tell you, i so want to eat this right now ...

 

( to do )

you know i'm a listmaker, so here's my list of things to do before the new baby arrives in january.  we have approximately 16 weeks if she actually arrives on her due date.  karsyn came two weeks early, so we're anxious to see when this one is born.

*get out newborn clothes, socks, bibs, burp cloths, and any other newborn gear

*order nursery bedding

*get dayna to decorate nursery too  :)

*get play yard from mother in law

*buy swing and teach karsyn that it's not for her

*wash newborn clothes

*get infant carrier out of attic

*organize baby closet and dresser

*decide what bottles i will use this time.  i dislike avent bottles.  we used those with karsyn and they seem to leak. i have little patience for leaky bottles when you have a screaming, hungry baby.

*decide on a double stroller.  is it necessary?  do i want a double jogging stroller?  will i use a jogging stroller enough for the price?  what about a sit and stand stroller?

*plan and execute karsyn's 2nd birthday in december

*try NOT to grow as huge as a hippo in the next 16 weeks.  i think i've gained 10 lbs so far.  ugh.  i feel as big as the side of a barn already.

( interesting )

the wacky old wives' tales say it's a girl.  { my face breaks out like crazy; i've gained weight in my face; i've had a bad case of morning sickness; i've developed a raging sweet tooth }

BUT with karsyn, the wives' tales said she was a boy. { i craved chips and other salty foods; i carried low; my husband packed on the pounds with me; BUT i also had terrible morning sickness }

should be interesting.  only 2 days to go.