tough love, part 2

lesson learned.  by me.  i didn't expect that! 

when i decided that i'd let the girls go for 24 hours without a mommy or a daddy, i thought i was being tough.  i thought it'd be extremely hard on them after a little while b/c i made them do everything on their own.  they made the decisions.

little did i know that i'd spend the day crying.  i needed them to need me i guess.  it was almost like i was living life without them.  it was HORRIBLE.  but i stuck it out.  it sounds extreme for me to think that.  i still think i was being ridiculous.  but it proved to me that i have been called to be their mommy.  i am mommy.  all i know is mommy.  i learned that i really like making mykah her chocolate milk each morning.  reading books before bed.  making them their meals and preparing fun snacks after school.  that's me.  and i think i was lost without doing those things.

when the time came, david and i decided that we'd talk with them for a little while, then be mommy and daddy again.  we also decided to remind ourselves that they are 6 and 4.  they didn't really know how to react.  and it killed me to think about them not having us.  or us not having them.

in the end, it was good and it was bad.  i'm not sure i'd do it again.  but they have acted much better since then.  i assured them that we'd never really leave on purpose.  that we'd always be there as long as Jesus allowed us to be their parents.  that we love them.  that we do love being their mommy and daddy, but we restated that they were also created to listen to their parents as well.  we prayed a whole lot.  we hugged even more. 

tough love it was.  for all of us.  and probably a much needed lesson.

tough love, part 1

let me set this up for you ... 2 children ... ages 6 and 4 ... who continually choose to not listen to their mama.  who continually choose to fuss and fight with each other.  who do not respond at all to spankings, rewards, encouragement, discouragement, swirlies in the toilet (kidding), or hanging on the wall with duct tape (also kidding). 

all kidding aside, my children are having a hard time listening.  and it's really wearing on me.  so it was time for some tough love.  last time, i about had it.  every day, karsyn comes home from school and the arguing begins.  we talk about it daily.  constantly.  probably too much.  we talk about kindness.  we talk about how Jesus didn't make them to be ugly and to fight.  He made them to love each other, to do kind things for other people, to respect others, and so on and so on.  and it seems to not sink in.  ever. 

they have chosen to not listen to the words we constantly speak.  they have chosen to not pick up their stuff all over the house.  they have chosen to fight with each other despite my efforts to also prevent that.  so i decided to go drastic last night and not be their mommy.  for the whole evening they didn't have a mommy or a daddy.  here's how that played out ...

*i simply stated ... "you keep choosing to not listen to mommy or daddy, so you don't have a mommy or a daddy now.  you can make your own dinner if you want.  you can take a bath if you want.  you can go to bed when you want." 
*they immediately ate some leftover spaghetti. 
*mykah started chanting "i don't have a mama, i don't have a mama"
*i wanted to lock her in a closet.  i didn't, for the record.
*they actually went and got in the bathtub on their own.  i did make sure they weren't scolding their bodies with hot water.
*karsyn started crying.  she never would speak, she just cried.  this really got to us.  david kept saying "this is so sad" ... yeah, i thought it was sad too, but the lesson couldn't stop there just because she was crying. 
*about 7:00, mykah had been MIA for a little while.  well, i knew she was in her room, but we hadn't heard her or made visual contact in a little bit.  when i went to check on her, she was sound asleep in her bed.  CHECK.
*david and i were packing more stuff in our POD.  moving day is quickly approaching.  karsyn followed us around and tried to help us as much as she could.  she sang and danced as if all was right again.  she'd say things like "raise your hand if you have a daughter!"  or she'd sing songs about having a mommy & a daddy.  we minded our own business and kept packing.
*karsyn noticed that she was getting mosquito bites.  i calmly said "if you had a mommy, she'd probably tell you to get inside."  she stayed outside to play more.
*8:00 came and david and i decided to call it quits for the night.  i have to have my downtime.  karsyn just hung out.
*we finally decided to pretend to go to bed so she would too.  she tried to climb in bed with us and we told her she couldn't because she wasn't our child.  after two times, she finally went to her bed and closed the door.  she fell asleep fast and by 8:30 we were back up and continuing on with our evening.

i woke up this morning feeling defeated.  i was prepared to be a mommy again.  but the attitudes and the arguing had started before they even got out of bed.  i took care of jaxton as usual.  told karsyn to let me know when she was ready to go to school and i'd drive her there.  they attempted to make breakfast and was able to squeeze our a pancake in the microwave.  i'm sure they'll be starving before lunch!!  around 7:40, karsyn said she was ready for school.  that made her about 20 minutes earlier than when she usually arrives, so i'm curious to see how that went. 

i've cried a few times since then.  i don't like not being mommy.  i don't like not making them breakfast, not fixing their hair, not helping them brush their teeth.  that's another thing ... karsyn went to school without brushing her teeth.  hopefully she doesn't knock anyone out!  her morning breath is STINKY!  mykah has tried to win me over, but she claimed that, in that moment, she only wanted a mommy to hold her.  so the tough love continues ...