right now i am going through the emotional stage of pregnancy. i get worked up about everything and get so teary-eyed constantly. recently i have struggled with karsyn being my only child for only five more months. my relationship with her will never be the same because i will have to share my time. i will seldom have one on one time with her and am planning on setting time each week for her only. with this struggle, i'm having a hard time letting her go see grandparents without me, even though i need the break. i want her to be away only for a short time. and she must be home on sundays because those are our only days home with my favorite man.
today, my struggle is learning to love another child just as much as i love her. i'm crying as i type this because i just put her to bed and every night she kisses me and says "i wov woo". without me asking. since my favorite man started back to school and football, most of the time he misses putting her to bed. tonight is one of those nights, and after she kissed me, she leaned over and said "dada" and pretended to kiss him too. it broke my heart. as much of a monster as she can be sometimes, she has and shows all the love in the world at the end of the day. no matter how many times i make her mad or spank her, she always kisses me and tells me she loves me. and she certainly misses her daddy which is wearing on him in only his third week of football practice.
i have to stop being such a sissy, but that kids just amazes me and i love her so much. how will i share my love with another child? i know i will. i know it's possible, but it seems so impossible tonight.
I remember that feeling when we dropped off John to go to the hospital and have Zach but the coolest thing was that John was SO in love with Zach when we got home. It was very different bringing Zachary home. Don't worry about the time because it is not necessarily one on one time but FAMILY time. John use to love to sit on the couch and just hold Zach and Nicole. He would explain things to them. There is more love going around. There are more adventures and there laughs because if you think one kid can make you heysterical you should really try 3. These feeling are normal. These feelings are natural... but so is the amazing love you will feel for the new baby when they place it in your arms!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all you're not going to have to love Karsyn less. You're still going to love her as much as you do right now. It's just going to be different. And if you can take yourself back to the time when you wondered how much you would love Karsyn, and then think now about how MUCH you love her... well, it'll be the same with the new baby. You'll love her the same... just different. Life is full of these bittersweet moments... it's a little sad that you're ending the time of "one baby" but you're entering a blessing filled stage of "two babies." It's going to be wonderful!! If you think Karsyn's got you wrapped tight around her little finger... just wait to see what TWO little girls will do to you. :)
ReplyDeleteMy kids are exactly 2 years apart...well within 3 days anyway. I remember when I first found out I was pregnant with Tyler and Kallie was still such a baby. A family member had the nerve to tell me they were so sad that Kallie wouldn't get to be the baby anymore and would feel left out. I will not lie to you...I worried and worried.
ReplyDeleteBUT let me tell you, just as the others have said, when you see that baby and then you see how excited Karsyn will be with and for that baby, you will never give it another thought. My kiddos are so close to each other and I wouldn't have it any other way. (Of course they still fight and have their moments but...)
I remember when we brought Tyler home and it was right at Kallie's second birthday we told her that was her baby boy...she has taken that to heart ever since! LOL
Not there yet...so don't have any advice. Just wanted to let you know that I totally cried while reading your blog. Big Hug from me.
ReplyDeleteI think we all go through this. I genuinely wondered how in the world I could love another child b/c my love for Jman was so overwhelmingly consuming! But, you do love them each very much!
ReplyDeleteI so know what you all are going thru with football!!! Coach was down about it this morning and we just started!
Well, all the other moms are so right on... it is different but it is a love that is so very real and just as deep and all-consuming as what you feel right now for Karsyn. Even with #3, I wondered how I would be able to feel with a third as much as I do for #1 & #2... but just as they have already said, the moment that baby is placed in your arms, you cannot even remember how or why you ever thought it wasn't possible. It's like they have always been there... you just didn't know their name yet! ;-)
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