. ramblings .

every now and then i'm entitled to just ramble, right?  so, i've had this blog for 4 years now.  can you believe that?  i've had it since we moved here, just 2 months after we got married.  so it has gone through a big move to this new-to-me town, buying a house, having 2 babies, and now we simply continue our life as a new family.  a family of 4.  old friends.  new friends.  good times.  bad times.  silly times.  happy times.  sad times.  and it's all been posted to this blog, for the most part. 

the Lord has really been working in my life lately.  sweet new friends have come into my life to share things that they have dealt with or gone through.  new friends who are very similar to me.  old friends who know me, know how i operate and i quickly turn to them for comfort. 

you see, i'm a perfectionist.  i admit it and those who know me would describe me as a perfectionist as well.  sometimes it works to my advantage.  sometimes it drags me down.  lately, i've let my desire to be perfect in all that i do consume my life.  i often back out of things because of fear that the outcome will not be perfect or to my level of perfection. 

in an attempt to curb the perfectionist in me, i have let things go.  i have strayed from the perfectionism and dove deep into the opposite spectrum of it all.  and now i'm digging myself back out.  i want to be me again.  i don't function well without organization and structure.  without plans and schedules. 

so basically, i have struggled being me the last few months.  one sweet friend showed me this verse and i have focused on it since she shared it with me. 

1 Peter 1:15-16 says "...be holy in all you do; be holy because I am holy."

that reminds me daily to be who He has called me to be.  at this time of my life, He has called me to be a mom and a wife.  and i have struggled with that job since choosing to stay home 2 years ago after i had karsyn.  i am a people pleaser.  a learner.  a do-er.  and multi-tasker.  and i like the work environment.  but i knew that God called me to raise my child. 

amongst this struggle that i have, i often think how defeated i often feel.  but i am quickly reminded of the struggles that others have and that mine are so minute compared.  last night, God reminded me of the hymn "it is well".  and i sang it until i went to sleep.  a sweet friend of mine posted this very hymn on her blog this morning and i was utterly amazed that God was bringing this song to my attention yet again. 

He is showing me that no matter what i am going through, no matter what i'm struggling with, no matter how good or how bad ... it is well.