. 6/365 .

my goals for this year to get healthy stretch out to my family as well.  while i've always fed my girls things that were good for them and limited their junk intake, i really want to teach them what it means to eat healthy.  i want them to know how important it is to feed their bodies good things.  my mom got them these plates and we love to use them.  the girls make sure they have the right things in each divider and each time we use it, they clear their plates.

. post op update (again) .

but it's the last one!  i had a doctor appointment this morning, which meant yet another ultrasound and more lab work.  my doctor said that everything looks great and even said the words "you're healed!"  although those words were nice to hear, i couldn't help but think that the words "your baby is healthy" or "your babies look great" would be nicer.  healed.  really?  but, it was good to know now that things can move forward and life can go on.  physically, things are looking up. 

after the ultrasound, i met with my doctor in his office to discuss further issues.  i'll be scheduled for an HSG test in the next month or so that will basically flush out the remaining tube to make sure it's functioning properly and to clear out anything that could be causing these issues i'm having.  that'll be another hospital visit, but should be short and sweet.  then i headed down to the lab so they could perform a handful of tests.  that girl took 14 vials of blood.  FOURTEEN!  i don't think i've ever had that many done before.  usually it's one or two.  but fourteen.  there were 11 tests on the lab slip that my doctor wants to run. 

i keep getting asked how i'm doing emotionally.  i'm good.  and no one believes me for some reason.  but i am.  i have days.  but i think that's pretty normal.  i do find myself turning away from pregnant women, or women with small babies.  and it's not that i hate those people that are pregnant or that do have babies.  i have a handful of friends who have had or are in the process of delivering babies right now.  and i'm so happy for them!!  jealousy, maybe?  i wish it was me?  i could try to explain myself all day.  really, i'm doing good.  each day gets better and better, even though i have moments that i'm sad.  i'm constantly looking for encouragement and inspiration in different places and people and God is really providing that comfort that He promises.

. 5/365 .

another thing i really want to try harder at this year is getting more pictures of me WITH my children.  i've said it before, but i always hide from the camera.  i don't like my body and don't want to be reminded of how out of shape i am, i guess.  but i want my children to look back at pictures and SEE me with them, not wonder where i was all the time.  i'm here.  i'm here with them every single day and i want to document that.  this was our first attempt and karsyn actually took this picture of mykah and i.  i do love it and can't wait to take more.  this is one that mykah took.  she needs more practice apparently.

by the way, can anyone recommend a good anti-aging wrinkle cream?  good night nurse, i just realized the wrinkles starting to show.  turning 30 may affect me more than i thought!!

. 4/365 .

i usually don't post random pictures of food, but this is the only picture i took today, so it'll have to work.  one of my goals for the new year is to get healthy.  and the biggest part of that for me is eating.  i don't ever really eat too much, but being home all day with toddlers finds me snacking pretty much all day long and not eating meals that fill me up, which leads to late night binging.  there you go.  i admit that my eating habits aren't good.  it's kind of obvious.  and i feel every bit of unhealthy with very little energy.  and when you have all the kids running around, energy is important! 

there's so many diets out there to try.  so many "don't eat this" rules that people are following.  i don't do well with those.  i'm not going to do a specific no-carb diet for a few months, then go back to grubbin' at the bread table.  i just want to eat healthy.  no diet.  for the rest of my life.  not just for a moment in a year.  only put things that are good for me in my mouth.  diets don't work.  eating healthy does.  and it's a way of life.  that's what i want my life to be.  i'm following the weight watchers plan and i really like it because it doesn't take food out of your life.  if you like pizza, which i do, you can eat pizza.  it's all about moderation and portion control. 

i started monday and i'm doing good so far.  i've had moments when i feel like snacking b/c i'm an emotional eater and i either grab a handful of grapes or a banana and down even more water.  the most important part is that i feel great, physically.  the picture above is of what i've eaten for lunch a few times this week.  a tortilla (which i need to find a healthier version of), fat-free refried beans, 1/4 of an avocado, and salsa.  two of those = 12 points in weight watchers, paired with a cup of grapes and i'm full and completely satisfied.  it's yummy (and yes, i saw this meal on pinterest). 

. live .

last year i decided that i would pick one word that i wanted to live by throughout the new year.  my word for 2011, if you remember, was "dwell".  i wanted to actually make my house my home and dwell in it.  i did great all last year working so hard to make my house what i want it to be.  it's a lot of work!  and my home still isn't exactly how i picture it, but is a house ever really done?  it's always a work in progress.  so i'm still living out my word from last year as i move into a new year.  i'm still rearranging until i find the perfect spot for something.  i'm still organizing.  this year i'm attempting to live simply.  i want fewer things and more memories.  we've taken several loads of stuff to twin city missions and more will go shortly.  it's just stuff.  and the stuff is getting in the way of living, which brings me to my word for 2012 ...

sounds simple enough.  but it's something i have struggled with.  i am a perfectionist.  i like my routine.  i'm a control freak (yes, i'm admitting it).  i tend to get so bogged down with keeping on schedule and making sure the girls are in bed by 8:00 every single night.  i want to live.  i want to let them stay up late if that means we get to finish watching a movie together and getting popcorn everywhere.  i want to experience more.  i want my children to experience more.  i want to learn new things.  i want to cherish friendships God has placed in my life.  i want to nurture those relationships and develop new ones.  i want to grow closer to that same God that provided all of these things for me.  i simply want to live.

should i add that i turn THIRTY years old this month?  sigh.  i want my 30th year to ROCK.