today was a rough day for us. so rough that when my favorite man walked in the door from work, i walked out the door to go have me time. it was THAT rough. and he knew it, which is why he didn't ask questions.
during me time, i ventured to hobby lobby. world of putting christmas decorations out before summer. but i love it. i love that if you see something you really want, you can come back the very next week and it will be on sale. seriously.
ok, back on track here ...
i was checking out all of the fall stuff (50% off right now AND orange) and i saw, very randomly displayed, a rack of "world's best mom" ornaments. it got me thinking and kind of made me sad, especially after the day we had today.
if karsyn saw that (and was old enough to read), would she pick that ornament for me? would she automatically, without any hesitation, KNOW that, in her mind, i'm the "world's best mom"? would she? would she insist that her daddy buy that ornament to put on our tree? i will probably think about those questions at the end of every day now and wonder if i did my best that day. if i qualified that day as "world's best mom". did i laugh enough with her? did i dance enough? did i sing enough? did i smile enough? did i talk to her with kind words? did i practice what i preach?
i was sad b/c after today, i know i was far from "world's best mom". yes, they ate. yes, they survived. yes, their snotty noses got wiped. but it was rough. i'm glad it's over, but now i wish i could have done things different. i certainly want to be the "world's best mom" tomorrow. we'll see how i do.
tears...lots of tears. i completely understand where you are coming from. these terrible 2's are extremely hard and i wonder everyday if i've been the best mom i can be to konner. we have to remember that our children love us and know that we love them. you do the absolute best that you can. i'm proud of you for knowing that you needed your own time-out and you took it. i love you tons and sooo wish that we could be closer so that we could take time-outs together.
ReplyDeleteyou know, there are days i feel the same way!! but you know what? your girls would definitely pick out that ornament for you... they are much more forgiving of us than we are of ourselves.
ReplyDeleteI think all moms go through this at some point in time and it seems to come in cycles. For instance, I thought when my kids were older I wouldn't feel as guilty about not being with them as much as I would like but unfortunately you will always have regrets of what could have been better.
ReplyDeleteThe amazing thing is that kids never seem to notice...it just doesn't phase them. Not too long ago I had a terrible day and really treated my kids nastily. I knew they were hurt by my words and actions but my behavior just seemed to spin out of control. I felt sooooo guilty. A mere 3 or 4 days passed and Kallie was working on some homework and I asked to look at it...It was a paper for her English class listing who she admired most....me.
LOL That made me feel better and worse all at the same time.
Keep chugging along and you will do just fine! :-)
I have a friend that tells me repeatedly I am much harder on myself than the kids are on me. They don't zone in on the rough day or the sharp word, when it is here and there. Of course, I am not speaking of continual, habitual terrible behavior, just the normal rough patches of which you speak.
ReplyDeleteThank you for being honest and know that you are f.a.r. from being alone in this momma struggle!