. decisions, decisions .

my mind doesn't handle decision-making well.  it's very stressful for me and puts me in a tizzy.  especially if they are BIG decisions.  i've been struggling with one of those BIG ones lately, but i have to start the story from the very beginning.  and, know that it makes me really sad to share this, but it's my heart right now. 

before we had children, MY plan was always to have a baby and go back to work.  always.  without a doubt.  and millions of moms do it and it works for them.  once i laid eyes on that sweet baby laying before me, everything changed.  i did go back to work for a few short months, but the desire for me to be home with her was so strong i could not ignore it any longer. 

due to very poor planning on our part, going from a two income house down to a one income house was VERY difficult, especially since that one income was that of a teacher.  but we had to make it work.  this was how our family was supposed to be.  this is what God had called me to do at this point in my life.  the second child came and there still was no question that i would be home taking care of our babes.  in fact, the plan has always been to stay home until they all start school.  (and i say all VERY loosely, as i'm not 100% sure we are done having children at this point).

recently, the financial struggle for our family has grown even more as, obviously, it costs more to raise more children.  it costs more to put 2 kids in mother's day out.  and, for the record, i work mother's day out so my children can attend.  our goal is to be able to move to a better location for our children to attend school when the time comes.  well, the time is coming sooner and sooner every day.  we have lots of work ahead, but things will not get paid off and money will not be in savings when we can barely pay bills and buy groceries each month.  and there's not an abundance of jobs out there for stay at home moms.

so, what's a girl to do?  it's breaks my heart to think of putting the girls in daycare for someone else to take care of.  i don't want that to be an option, but at this point it is.  we've set a budget.  we use coupons.  we cut things out like hair cuts and pedicures.   

i'm not sure where God is leading us at this point.  it's taking lots of prayer.  lots and lots of prayer.